No matter where you are in Bangkok — the markets, subway cars, restaurants or bars — you’ll see elderly male tourists with young Thai men and women. It’s no secret that gay or straight, sex tourism is a huge draw for many Westerners visiting Thailand, especially Bangkok.

Prostitution is a part of most cultures, but for me, it’s not nearly as the empowering or liberating in Bangkok as it is in a place like Canada or the US. I first learned this after watching Michael Glawogger’s film, Whores’ Glory, which features Thailand as one of its subjects.

I’ve wandered through one of the straight red-light districts in the city, Patpong, where women in lingerie are out in the streets luring men into their bars. There is a gay red-light district too, on Soi Twilight (or “Soi Pratuchai” in Thai), which I recently went to for the first time. 

It’s a small alleyway northeast of the Patpong Night Market, but it’s so small that it doesn’t show up on Google Maps. As I approached via Thanon Surawong, I was assaulted by a clutter of neon signs reading things like, “Dream Boys,” “Hot Male” and “Fresh Boys.” A reddish-purple turned pinkish glow radiated on street level; it was like being on the set of a steam-punk thriller.

Soi Twilight in the daytime.

Mike Miksche/Daily Xtra

The walkway was so crammed with men that I had to push my way through. Right at the entrance, a waiter from one of the bars tried to usher me to a table that was at the side of the walkway.

“One drink,” he said in broken English. 

“I’m going to a go-go bar,” I told him. I learned in Bangkok not to be intimidated by the hustles on the street. This was just business as usual for him, but I was stern, avoiding eye contact even. “I don’t want a drink.”

“One drink,” he repeated. 

I laughed. “No, I’m going over there.” I pointed past his shoulder.

“Come on, mate,” someone to the side of me with an Australian accent said. “Join us for just a drink.” 

There were two bears in their 50s sitting at a table to the right of the walkway. I found the quiet guy, who hadn’t spoken, quite attractive. He was beefy with big arms and a gut — your classic bear. 

“Fine, maybe I’ll join for just a drink.”

They both cheered, throwing their hands in the air as a sort of victory. I took a seat on one of the bar stools next to them and ordered a large beer. They were obviously trashed and told me that they’d just arrived in the city that afternoon. 

Their names were Andrew and Will, and they were visiting from Melbourne, but Will, the cute one, was originally from Brisbane. It turned out that they’re a couple, so I toned down the flirting, although it sometimes came out involuntarily. 

They visited Bangkok often; at least once a year, sometimes twice if they could. It was a vibrant city, which is why they kept coming back. They loved the food, particularly the street food, which I'd only just started sampling, I told them. I had a phobia of intense food poisoning that dated back to my time in India.

Andrew didn’t beat around the bush. He admitted that they had come for the Thai men. They were bona fide sex tourists, it seemed. 

“Which go-go bar were you going to?” he asked like a true aficionado. He loved it — I could tell by his delinquent smile. It made him happy just to ask the question. 

“I don’t know — which one is best?”

“I’d start at X-Size Bar. It’s just down there where the big ‘X’ is. They have the hottest guys.” 

He gave me the rundown about how these places worked. If you see someone you like, you essentially rent them out and bring them back to your hotel; however, you need to negotiate the cost and the specific sex acts.

“Most of the guys are straight,” he warned. “If you just want to get your ass fucked hard, then it’s not a problem. If they’re straight, and you want to fuck them though, they may say they’re into ‘everything,’ but then you take them home and they refuse to bottom. Those ones won’t suck you either.” 

He pointed to a cluster of young Thai men sitting around a table at the bar opposite us. They were very thin, twinky types, and were chatting to one another, while looking over at us and smiling. “You’d be better off with one of them. They’re obviously gay, so you can fuck the ass off them all night.”

The waiter started laughing when he heard him say that. “He’s gay too,” Andrew added. “We’ve had him several times. He’ll let you do whatever you want to him. Fuck him, suck him, come all over him.”

This made the waiter very bashful . . .

Friday, Dec 23

The Ugly (or Nice) Holiday Sweater Party 

It wouldn’t be the holidays without a sweater-themed event. Attendees of this dance party are encouraged to wear their favourite sweaters (they can be nice sweaters, but ugly is preferred). The music is supplied by Australia’s drag queen-turned-DJ, DJ Kitty Glitter. And there are sexy go-go boys. 

10:30pm–4am. Fly 2.0, 6 Gloucester St. flyyyz.com 

Tuesday, Dec 27 

Gaystation 

Christmas has just ended. You’re finally out of the turkey coma, but you need to save energy for NYE, so what can you do tonight? You can have a relaxing night of drinking and button-mashing your way through video games on a 10-foot screen at a local gay bar. Takes place every Tuesday. 

9pm. The Black Eagle, 457 Church St. blackeagletoronto.com 

Saturday, Dec 31

Sin: New Years 2017 

The men who attend this party probably didn’t get anything from Santa this year, because they’ve been naughty (or are about to be). According to billing, this adult entertainment-filled dance party for men starts the New Year with “a lot of banging.” Chicago’s DJ Ted Eiel and Toronto’s Cesar Murillo spin all night long. 

9pm–5am. The Black Eagle, 457 Church St.facebook.com/sin4menonly

Toastr NYE 

Queer women and allies are dancing in the new year. DJs Recklezz and Sticky Cuts spin house, hip hop, dancehall — lots of stuff, like a big casserole of sound. There’s complimentary sparkling wine at midnight. Another Toastr party is taking place simultaneously at a nearby venue. See indicated Girl Play Toronto website for details.

9:30pm–2am. Bunda Lounge, 1108 Dundas St W. girlplaytoronto.com 

New Years’ Eve: Fuck 2016! 

Orlando, Trump’s election, David Bowie and Prince’s passing — this has been a particularly awful year and we’ll all (hopefully) be better off when it’s over. To party 2016 into non-existence, the entire Buddies complex is opened up for a party hosted by Katinka Kature and Cassandra Moore. DJs Margot, Regina and Relentless spin. 

10pm. Buddies in Bad Times, 12 Alexander St. buddiesinbadtimes.com

The House of Filth NYE 

The House of Filth drag collective throws its annual New Years’ Eve “whorefest.” Which is like a regular NYE party, but with lots of drag, and because it’s House of Filth it’s extra whorey. Ring in the new year with a bunch of queens who, according to billing, predict 2017 will be the year of “ugly pretty.” DJ Aeryn Pfaff provides the soundtrack. 

10pm–3am. The Beaver, 1192 Queen St W. For more info, visit Facebook.

The House of Filth throws its annual New Year’s Eve “whorefest” at The Beaver.

Courtesy Alejandro Santiago

Feministry: New Years Evil Eye

Bringing a little diversity to your celebrations, this relatively new party is focused on queer femmes. DJs Rose Ceremony, Mary Mack and Cam Lee spin house, disco, hyper-pop and “weird stuff.” According to billing, this party grew out of intersectional feminism, the acknowledgement of difference, and love and respect. 

10pm–3am. Holy Oak, 1241 Bloor St W. For more info, visit Facebook. 

Pitbull New Years Eve 2017 

Do you like big men who look like they should be working on oil rigs? Men with muscles and lots of hair in lots of places, and shirts with no sleeves, and probably beards with things living in them? Then this party is for you. Sexy guys dance in multiple rooms to the music of many DJs while go-go dancers shake their hot butts. 

10pm–4am. The Phoenix, 410 Sherbourne St. pitbullevents.com

Go Hard: The Glamorous Life NYE Edition

The ever-stylish DJ Blackcat is back with another of his glamorous parties — this time celebrating the end of one year, and the beginning of another. This time the dress code is “show up and show out.” Blackcat is joined by DJs Pleasure and Prestige for a night of R&B, dancehall, house, hip hop — just about everything.

10pm–4am. 120 Diner, 120 Church St. For more info, visit Facebook. 

DJ Blackcat celebrates the end of the year with his party at 120 Diner.

Courtesy Christopher J Cushman

NYE 2017

For an old school gay clubbing extravaganza, this is the place to be. DJs Geoff Kelleway, Mark Falco and others spin dance house and techno. The evening includes loads of drag from Sofonda Cox, Jada Hudson, Devine Darlin and Donnarama. Devine Darlin also does the club’s official New Years’ Eve countdown.

10pm–5am. Fly 2.0, 6 Gloucester St. flyyyz.com 

Cream New Years

The party options for women are few (as always), but at least they’re awesome. Taking over one of the edgiest venues in the village, DJ KLR serenades a crowd of lovely queer ladies with a slew of hip hop and house. It’s all about cheap drinks, good music and champagne (and smooches) at midnight.  

10pm–4am. Club 120, 120 Church St. facebook.com/creamtoronto

The New Beginnings Ball 

One of the newest gay venues in the city hosts its first ever New Years’ Eve party. Located at Blyss nightclub (the venue formerly occupied by Church on Church, and opened by the owner of the former Zipperz), the new bar hosts a celebration that features DJ Cory Activate spinning and drag performer Farra N Hyte playing hostess. 

10pm–4am. Blyss, 504 Church St. facebook.com/blysstoronto

“Right off the bat, the first year, it was the largest gay New Year festival in Asia, ever,” says Blue Satittammanoon, the producer and organizer of White Party Bangkok. “And this year is already going to be bigger than last.” 

Not bad for a debut circuit festival, which saw over 12,000 people in its first year in 2016. It joined the Asian party circuit, which includes events like Song Kran in Bangkok, Shangri-La in Tokyo, and I:M in Seoul. This year’s White Party is this New Year’s Eve weekend from Friday, Dec 30 through Sunday Jan 1. 

The Bangkok party is an extension of Jeffrey Sanker’s famous White Party Palm Springs. The original party began back in 1989.

The Bangkok extension is the first official White Party outside of North America. Sanker is a partner who brings his experience as the “Circuit Master” and helps select talent for the event. 

Coincidentally, Satittammanoon’s got his nightlife education in Canada, where he was the marketing director of Celebrities Nightclub in Vancouver for five years. During his tenure, he worked with the likes of Boy George, Deborah Cox, David Guetta and Tiesto. He was also the marketing director for OUTtv, and worked on five seasons of RuPaul’s Drag Race. If anyone was going to make this festival a hit, it was Satittammanoon. 

Through these experiences, he also got to know Sanker.

The first White Party that he attended in Palm Springs was in 2011, where Robyn headlined. “It was my first major circuit party and it was everything,” he told me. “I have never seen so many gays in one place. It was an experience I would never forget.”

“When I moved back to Thailand, I thought there’s an opportunity to do another big gay festival here,” Satittammanoon says. “I knew the [White Party] brand well. It’s one of the longest running circuit parties in the world. It’s been around for almost 30 years.”

It’s also not hard to understand why a massive circuit festival introduced in 2016 would really take off in a city like Bangkok. As is, it has an exciting party scene  pretty much every night of the week. On Silom Soi 2, you’ll find the famous DJ Station, which has a packed dance floor even on a Monday night, and of course there’s the infamous GOD after hours on Silom Soi 2/1, where you can dance to circuit tunes all night and into the morning, seven days a week.

“The party scene in Bangkok is amazing,” he says. “There’s nothing like Silom Soi 2.”

“People are really accepting here. That’s, I think, one of the reasons why Thailand is such a destination for LGBT tourists in the region.”

Satittammanoon also attributes the success of White Party Bangkok to its line-up. This year, it features talent such as Tom Stephan, Sophie Ellis-Bextor, Nacho Chapado, and Shangela from RuPaul’s Drag Race. They also have Andrew Christian models to make you wish you had hit the gym a little harder. 

Since the theme of the party is simple — white — it makes it easy for everyone to participate, particularly those who don’t normally dress-up. Put on a white tank top, at the very least, and you’re done. 

“Some people really make an effort,” he explains. “It makes the parties a lot more fun too.”

The Military Ball on Friday, Dec 30 encourages people to dress in military-inspired outfits. Easy enough, given the number of street vendors in Bangkok that sell army fatigues. “It’s the darkest and sexiest night,” he adds. “The music is a little bit harder than other two nights.” 

The New Year’s Eve party on Saturday, Dec 31, 2016 is all about the bright colors, and the daytime Jock Ball on Sunday, Jan 1 encourages sexy sportswear. The main event is on Sunday night: White Party Bangkok. 

Despite Satittammanoon importing many elements of the North American circuit culture, he still keeps the vibe local, which is perhaps another key to its success. “Last year we had a drag queen from the US, Flava,” he says. “We had her arrive on the stage in a tuk-tuk. That kind of thing makes it unique so you have the Thai flavor that you don’t see anywhere else.”

I could hear the outdated techno music from the street just outside of X-Size. It was go-go bar on Soi Twilight, Bangkok’s gay red-light district. The sound was reminiscent of a ’90s rave, so boisterous; I was expecting it to be packed inside but from the entrance it seemed like there was hardly anyone there. I guess in a place like this, the size of the audience really doesn’t matter.  

Andrew, one of the guys I’d met earlier at a street bar on Soi Twilight, had recommended this place over the others on the strip. He claimed that it had the hottest guys to pick from for sex.

Andrew and his boyfriend visited the city often from Australia, for the vibrancy of the city, the food and the Thai men; they were bona fide sex tourists from what I gathered, so I trusted them on this one. 

As I entered X-Size, the host at the door kept saying, “Ladyboy, ladyboy,” which confused me. I assumed that all the bars along Soi Twilight featured cis men but at the same time, I wasn’t against the idea of going to a ladyboy bar. 

At first I thought that “ladyboy” was a derogatory term, but it’s not. Ladyboys, or kathoey in Thai, are a category that includes transgender folks, though not specifically (not all ladyboys identify as trans, or even understand the meaning of it.) Ladyboys take on a female gender identity, expression or sexual characteristics, but were designated as male at birth. They are very visible in Thai culture. 

There are an estimated 10,000 to 100,000 kathoey in the country, and although they’re widely accepted — more so than trans or non-binary folks are in North America — they’re also stigmatized and many Thai people ignorantly believe that this identity is bad karma from past life deeds. 

X-Size go-go bar at night.

Mike Miksche/Daily Xtra

“It’s a ladyboy bar?” I tried to confirm, but the host couldn’t speak English well. He just kept saying “ladyboy” over and over again. 

I was led past the stage in the middle of the room, which had seats all way around it. There were only a couple of people seated, but the techno was still blasting.

Despite the host’s repeated emphasis on ladyboys, there were only two ladyboys there who seemed to be employees. On stage, however, there were about 20 young men in red Calvin Klein or Addicted brand underwear with numbers pinned onto their underwear, like they were in a beauty pageant.

None of them were dancing though — they were standing around, on display. Every few seconds they would side-step to their right, moving in a circular motion around the edge of the stage like they were on a conveyer belt. It reminded me of cattle being auctioned.

I was led up to one of the seats, and ordered a beer. The host retrieved it and sat down next to me, trying to sell me on one of the young men on stage.  

Andrew had mentioned that if I liked someone, I could rent them and bring them back to my place, although I’d also read online that you need to pay a bar fine, which was about 500 to 700 baht (around C$19 to $26). You also need to pay for the sex itself, which is generally 1,000 to 1,500 baht (approximately $37 to $56). I tried to ask the host about the specifics, but he simply said, “You pay money and go to hotel.”

In Thailand, prostitution has been regulated by the state since 1908 and illegal since 1960. As a result, owners and workers of such venues must pay off corrupt police and local officials regularly to keep these places going. 

I’d never paid for sex before but I didn’t necessarily have a problem with it. However, in a country like Thailand where there’s far more poverty than say Canada, it feels exploitative For these guys, this work is more of a necessity rather than a desire. Given the number of men onstage at once and considering all of the go-go bars on Soi Twilight, I was only just starting to understand the magnitude of this industry. 

 Whenever the guys side-stepping on stage would get my attention, they’d smile like they were glad to see me and wave. They were all pretty twinky, which was likely more of Andrew’s type and why he had suggested I come to this bar. I’ve always liked older, beefier guys, which I tried to explain to the host. 

“I just want to drink this beer,” I finally said, but he kept asking me who I wanted, telling me how nice they all were. 

Since the place was so quiet, it seemed like I was getting all the attention of the guys on stage. I waved back a couple of times but when I finished my drink I thanked the host and left alone.

Thursday, Dec 29

Bratpack Presents

In a weekend full of parties at which every guy you meet wants to shove his tongue down your throat at midnight, this is your last chance to sit back, have a drink — or 10 — and watch an amazing drag show. Jane Smoker, Valynne Vile, Lady Gem and Gia Metric take turns hosting each week, and you will not be disappointed. The one constant is the hunkiest DJ in town, DJ Nick Bertossi; he’s not only eye candy but plays awesome sets that beg you to get up and move. Hmm, now where will he be at midnight on New Year’s Eve? Lineup starts behind me, guys.

Doors 10pm, show 11pm. The Junction, 1138 Davie St. Cover $5. Info at junctionpub.com.

Friday, Dec 30

Backdoor & VAL NYE Festival

Matt Troy proves again he isn’t just a pretty face and a smoking hot body; this time he outdoes himself. Where else can you buy a ticket, party your face off, dance in two rooms to ten DJs including the awesome DJ Mumbles, find a date, go home, sleep it off and then turn around the next day and do it all over again? Two incredible days of world-class sound and music by some of the Pacific Northwest’s finest DJs, queens, princesses, freaks and surprises. Wild intimate spaces, crazy art installations and two unforgettable nights as you say goodbye to 2016 and hello to a brand new 2017.

10pm. Dec 30, Backdoor.

12–9pm. Dec 31, Open Decks at VAL.

9pm. Dec 31, Vancouver Art & Leisure NYE.

Vancouver Art and Leisure, 1965 Main St. Tickets at leisure.events/backdoor-val-nye-festival and at the door. $20 festival ticket includes all events both nights. Complete info at facebook.com/events/1637925173175905/

Wet & Wild

It may be NYE tomorrow night, but this night has the biggest horns to blow, and you know they’re clean as a whistle fresh out of the shower. Once again I’ll volunteer to be towel boy or fluffer; I’m not picky. This night brings you the best in beef entertainment every week. Are you looking to show off what you’ve got? Do you like guys watching you shower? Do you want to make extra cash soaping up or dancing your ass off? It’s a new year, and they like to throw in some new meat, so if you’re interested, email del@steamworksonline.com and I’ll be holding a towel for you soon.

10pm. Pumpjack Pub, 1167 Davie St. Cover $5 after 9pm. pumpjackpub.com

Saturday, Dec 31

Absolut NYE

The ultimate party gurl is having an intimate get together for New Year’s Eve with only a couple (hundred) of her closest friends, and if you’re reading this then you’re included. Join the Absolut entertainer herself, Carlotta Gurl, and ring in the New Year with DJs Drew and Mike Bermudez. There will be a midnight balloon drop, champagne toast and, if the gown allows it, a cartwheel or two. Carlotta will supply the spotlight performances and the countdown to 2017, but if the gurl has been cocktailing the count better start at five or she’ll need a teleprompter.

9pm–4am. The Junction, 1138 Davie St. Tickets $20 at door. No advance tickets. facebook.com/junctionvan/?fref=ts

Women’s New Year’s Eve Dance

Want to get out of town and find some fresh faces to kiss at midnight? Join the Duelling DJs for a celebratory New Year’s Eve Dance. It’s a short jaunt to the party but it is New Year’s Eve, so please make arrangement to stay overnight if you happen to imbibe.

8:30pm–1am. Shannon Hall, 6150 – 176th St, Cloverdale, on the Cloverdale Rodeo Grounds. For information call 604-575-2020. Tickets $25, info at whatsonqueerbc.com/event/new-years-eve-dance-for-women/

Back In Black

Always one of the best New Year’s parties around, and this year is no different. The theme is Back In Black, whether it’s leather, harness, formal, jockstrap or even just a black cap and black cock-ring combo. Dress to impress the one you want. I love black; it is so slimming after all. Unless it’s a black cock ring, since that’s the one place you don’t want looking thin. DJ Mumbles rings in the New Year, and is always looking for that midnight kiss.

8pm–4am. Pumpjack Pub, 1167 Davie St. Cover $15. pumpjackpub.com/

Vancouver Outdoor Women’s Club NYE Dance

Ring in the new year and dance the night away at the best women’s party of the year. Not a member of the club? Not a worry. Non-members are welcome. Maybe you’ll enjoy the crowd so much you’ll join the group. Light snacks served and champagne at midnight.

8pm–1am. The Cultch, 1895 Venables St. Tickets $35 at tickets.thecultch.com/peo/show.asp or 604-251-1363. If available, tickets will be sold at the door. groupspaces.com/outdoorwomen/item/1016100

New Year’s Eve With Wilde Oscar’s

This will take another short out of town trip, but The West Coast Mistresses of Illusion are having their first NYE party in Chilliwack. Be entertained and dance to Dirty White Collar, a mid-’80s rock band. Included with your tickets will be champagne at midnight, noisemakers, hats, finger foods and assorted desserts. If staying over, which is always a good idea on New Year’s, The Royal Hotel (604-792-1210) will have a special price on rooms. Call and say “WILD29” to get the special rate.

8pm–2am. Wilde Oscar’s Pub, 45886 Wellington Ave, Chilliwack. Tickets $25 advance at wildeoscarevents@gmail.com or $30 at door. facebook.com/events/161898357615457/

Ruff Black New Year’s Eve

Finally after two years, Ruff NYE is back with a vengeance, and some very hot men. Two rooms, two dance floors, DJs Russ Rich (SFO), DRKN (Beirut), and our own Quest will keep the dance floor jumping and the clothes dropping. Performances by three years of Mr Ruff, Shane, Colin and Glenn, plus Boy Spence, Chris and the always hot Addison, who never seems to have any room left in his jock for tips. The men alone are worth the admission. Champagne at midnight as well as a kiss from any man you can catch.

9pm–3am. The Hindenburg, 23 W Cordova St. Tickets $40 advance at Top Drawers, 809 Davie St. and ruffparty.com or, if available, $50 at the door. facebook.com/events/216847842078867/    

New Year’s Eve Glam Ball

This is the party to be glitzy and glam as the House of Bitches (Alma, Ilona, Eva and Rich) host a night full of fun, drinks and performances, plus the O’s Go Go Team and the Snap Boys. DJs Mike Cross and Harris Alan keep things going till 4am. At midnight celebrate with your own 200ml bottle of bubbly. Who needs a glass anyway?

9pm–4am. The Odyssey, 686 W Hastings St. Tickets $25 at ticketzone.com/theoglamball2017 More info at theodyssey.ca/

F*ck 2016

Seems like we all have the same feeling about the past year and XY sums it up. Arguably one of the worst years in history is coming to a close. After countless celebrity deaths, robberies, tragedies, sorrow, ridiculous election results and overall bad decisions, it’s time to come together and give 2016 a big F*CK YOU. A special feature: the F*CK 2016 Wall of Shame. Come in and write the worst thing that’s happened to you or the planet this year, because at midnight they’re ripping it up over the dance floor instead of confetti. DJ Landon James, always looking James Bond-ish in a classy sexy way, spins and Kendall Gender performs. Drink! Dance! Make out! Get laid! End this crappy year and start the new one right.

9pm–4am. XYYVR, 1216 Bute St. Tickets $10–$15 at eventbrite.ca. Info at

facebook.com/xyvancouver/?fref=ts

Up Yours 2016

At least this group is honest and feels the way most of us do about 2016. It could be worse; we could be south of the border. This is a one-time party experience brought to you by Open Relationship, a party collaboration by the organizers of Denim Vest, ManUp, and Queers & Beers. Ready to turn the page and close this godforsaken chapter in a glittery storm of furious cathartic exuberance? Wait no more.

9pm–3am. Red Gate Arts Society, 855 E Hastings St. Cover $15–20, but no one turned away for lack of funds. facebook.com/events/702224853276899/

NYE 2017

Finally, a full service party where I can get a room on location, dress formally (black tie with my cotton towel), and end it all off with sticky buns. Start off with Salacious Saturday’s DJ Gingerbear spinning so you can dance until your towel drops. Then, in the early morning hours, there will be a continental breakfast and fresh sticky buns (not mine but the ones you can eat) to keep you going until 8am. I’m sure there must be a prize or a trophy for MVB (most valuable bottom) presented at 8am.

11pm–8am. Steamworks Baths, 123 W Pender St. Weekend rates start at $17. steamworksbaths.com

Sunday, Jan 1

Polar Bear Swim

Now this is the place to be an after-event fluffer. Take an invigorating dip in English Bay for our annual New Year's Day Polar Bear Swim! Join thousands of hardy polar (and other) bears in this free Vancouver tradition. Whether it's your 57th time participating or you’re getting this off your bucket list, join in and have some invigorating fun. Dress up or down as wildly as you like, do the Peter Pantages 100 yard swim race, or just come out to watch the spectacle. Please bring a can of non-perishable food for the Food Bank

2:30–3:30pm. English Bay, Foot of Denman and Davie Streets. More info and registration at vancouver.ca/parks-recreation-culture/polar-bear-swim.aspx

Kegger Sunday

Not hearing Del Stamp mentioned in any events over the weekend can be a good thing or a very bad thing. It’s a good thing if he’s been out of town, but he hasn’t. That can only mean one thing: he’s been super-host at Steamworks all New Year’s weekend and today’s recovery party is going to be a blast. He’ll be the DJ du jour and ready to party like the rest of us. The old year is gone, and what a way to start 2017 — with a PJ Kegger. Get the tequila shots ready, because papa is going to be thirsty.

5–9pm. Pumpjack Pub, 1167 Davie St. No cover. pumpjackpub.com/

Tuesday, Jan 3

XY Karaoke

Well, the tree is gone, the lights are down, all your booze is drank, and you’ve put on 18 pounds. Sounds to me you need a good injection of fun. If the singing doesn’t do it, just watch the bar. Ryan Steele is bartending and he will take your mind off anything.

9pm–2am. XYYVR, 1216 Bute St. No cover, facebook.com/groups/1250584251625875/

Shame Spiral Double Birthday

“Double header” and “Peach Cobblah” go hand in hand; the words roll off the tongue. But this double header is a dual birthday, shared with Mina Mercury. With the two of them, I would have a firehose at the ready, because that is a shitload of candles blazing away in one spot. Peach could lose her favorite polyester number; those things go up in a flash. Someone please count the candles, since the old gal says she’s 33, but that would make Mina 79, so I know one is fibbing a bit. Shots, shit and show.

10pm–3am. 1181, 1181 Davie St. No cover. facebook.com/events/1228003770609943/

Wednesday, Jan 4

Bear Hump

Well, now that New Year’s is over we’re on our way to spring, and that can only mean one thing: the bears are starting to awaken. What better place to meet a hot, hung, horny bear than at Bear Hump. Best of all, it’s happening early so just say you have to work a bit late, head on over, get your fill of bear meat, and get home for dinner and the 6 o’clock news. Gives you time to re-energize and recover, and nobody is any the wiser. It’ll just be a secret between you and me, and as long as you put out, my lips are sealed.

3–9pm. Steamworks Baths, 123 W Pender St. Weekday rates start at $13. steamworksbaths.com/vancouver/events/

According to Brenda Love’s Encyclopedia of Unusual Sex Practices, sthenolagnia is when one is aroused from the demonstration of strength or muscles. That includes muscle worship. 

I am a sucker for a big chest and arms, although I prefer a gut to a six pack any day. The hairier the better too, which I think means that I’m into muscle bears. I don’t know why, but I’ve always been turned on by guys who are bigger, stronger and older than myself.

I’m learning that Bangkok isn’t the best city to be in if you’re looking for this type of guy. There aren’t any leather bars, where you’d typically find them, and the only bear bar in the city closed earlier last year. When I learned that there was a muscle go-go bar called Tawan near the neighborhood of Silom, it piqued my interest.

I read some reviews about Tawan online, which seemed to be the best way to find out about obscure venues in the city. One guy wrote, “To me, it is a bear bar, not a muscle bar! The guys there are terrible!” Someone else added, “The muscle men are fat (off season, they told me) and most are in their 30s and some look over 40.”

Bears? Over 40? I didn’t need to read any further. It sounded hot — maybe after all this time I had finally found my spot in Bangkok. 

Despite the customer review, Tawan still promotes itself as “a centre of muscular men in Thailand.” It’s located a few blocks west of the majority of the other go-go bars on Soi Twilight, the gay red-light district. For Tawan to be so removed from the others on Soi Twilight (which features younger and skinnier men), it seemed kind of fitting given the demographic of the guys.

When I approached Tawan, I was hounded by the host who kept telling me to come in.

“I am,” I said, to assure him, but he acted paranoid as if I might veer off to another bar. 

“I’m coming in, I said.”

He led me through the bar, between the stackable chairs that were lined in rows like at a cheap wedding. He sat me under a series of hot air balloon lanterns hanging from the ceiling — it was all very low-tech, like it was decorated from a dollar store. 

To really drive home the muscle theme, an old chest press machine and cross trainer sat a few steps away from the stage. 

The place was getting busier, presumably for the 10:30pm show. There were two shows nightly, and the other was scheduled for half past midnight. 

With the exception of a couple of Westerners, the majority of the patrons in there were Asian. It confirmed my suspicion that most Westerners don’t come to Bangkok for muscle boys and bears, but rather for the young men of Soi Twilight. 

The waiter took my order. “Just a beer,” I said. He brought me a regular sized bottle that cost 400 baht, which is the equivalent of C$15. I looked at the bill twice to make sure that I’d read correctly (I’m on a writer’s budget). You generally pay 100–150 baht (roughly $4–5) in most places in Bangkok.

“This better be good,” I told the server. I didn’t leave a tip.

There were three guys on stage doing bodybuilder contest poses. One of them was doing a front bicep pose with his gut sucked in, and the one next to him was flexing his back with his elbows pushed ahead of his torso. The final guy was flexing his triceps out to the side, which defined his shoulders and chest. With the number pinned to their speedos, you’d think that they were competing, but they were just warming up for the show.  

Although the posing was silly and kind of creepy, I found the guys to be extremely attractive. With the exception of the triceps guy, who was young and ripped, the other two weren’t overly muscular, not like professional bodybuilders. They were more muscular and stocky, but I didn’t mind in the least. They had big arms and chests, with guts too, as did a lot of the other guys there were like that as well, built like tanks. 

Whoever had written those two reviews online were being far too harsh because honestly, this was heaven (minus the cost of drinks). Many of the guys in Tawan were the sort that you wouldn’t fuck with — so hot! 

It occurred to me then, that yes, I am definitely into sthenolagnia, without a doubt . . . 

Thursday, Jan 5

Teenage Kicks

The young Miklós, who is struggling to come to terms with his sexuality, plans to run away with his best friend Dan. But his plans are dashed when he learns Dan has a girlfriend. And that’s just the beginning of his troubles. The Australian film Teenage Kicks has its Canadian premiere as part of the Inside Out LGBT Film Festival’s More Play Screening Series. 

7:30pm. TIFF Bell Lightbox, 350 King St W. insideout.ca

Friday, Jan 6 

Toronto Her Winter Party 

The dating app Her throws a queer dance party in Toronto’s village. It’s a night of music, art and celebrating unique identities. The tunes are supplied by DJ Chiclet (electro-funk and disco) earlier on, and then hey! dw (bouncy British beats, live drums and deep house) later in the evening. Includes a fun photo booth. 

10pm–2am. Buddies in Bad Times, 12 Alexander St. buddiesinbadtimes.com 

Hardcover: A Bookshop Disco 

This dance party invites folks to shake their groove thing like the well-read disco divas and/or studs that they are. Taking place in Glad Day Bookshop’s new location on Church Street (formerly the Byzantium bar and restaurant), the bash features DJ Orange Pekoe spinning “highly danceable” disco, Motown, funk and pop. 

10pm–2:30am. Glad Day Bookshop, 499 Church St. For more info, visit Facebook. 

Saturday, Jan 7

Toronto Queer Slowdance: Divas Edition 

This recurring event is all about slow dancing (with the occasional super-fast song thrown in). It typically draws a large and varied crowd of people enthusiastic about swaying gently while clinging to strangers. This edition focuses on “diva slow dance classics” and the suggested dress code is fabulous and inspired attire.

10pm–2:45am. Dovercourt House, 805 Dovercourt Rd. For more info, visit Facebook. 

Sunday, Jan 8 

Bowie’s Birthday: Ziggy Stardust and The Spiders From Mars 

In celebration of the recently-departed David Bowie’s upcoming 70th birthday, here’s a night of screenings for the true fan. Those who arrive early watch a variety of footage of Bowie from the BBC. This is followed by a screening of Bowie’s final, 1973 performance as his Ziggy Stardust alter ego. Includes such songs as “All the Young Dudes,” “Moonage Daydream” and “Space Oddity.” 

8–10pm. The Royal Cinema, 608 College St. For more info, visit Facebook. 

Tuesday, Jan 10

Sing With Us

Are you just bursting with enthusiasm and don’t know where to put it? Then you are wanted by Singing OUT, the queer community choir. Those interested in potentially signing up can check out this rehearsal that’s open to the public. All welcome. No audition required, no experience required. Just make sure you love to sing and dance before joining. 

7pm. The 519, 519 Church St. singingout.com

On Jan 10, 2016, attend Singing OUT’s rehearsal at the 519 to sign up to be part of the choir. No experience required.

Courtesy Michael Rajzman

I was visiting Tawan, a muscle go-go bar in Bangkok when I concluded that I’m officially into sthenolagnia — I’m aroused by the demonstration of strength or muscles.

Although I’ve been struggling with the level sexual exploitation that I’ve seen in the city, I may have been naive to think that the men who work at Tawan couldn’t possibly be vulnerable to it at the same degree. Most of them are in their 30s, and some in their 40s, and they are so big that they gave the appearance that they could mop the floor with you, 

Sex work is prohibited in public places in Thailand, so for the most part traditional brothels have been replaced by “entertainment” venues like go-go bars, and pimps have been replaced by managers. It’s technically legal to sell sex in a private place like a hotel room, which is why these go-go bars work the way they do. 

The soliciting that happens in these places is not legal, however. As a result, owners and workers of such venues must make payments to corrupt police officers and local officials to keep them going. Police abuses are widespread and some use fear of arrest to extort bribes or free sex. 

One of the guys in Tawan sat in a chair to my side, and put his left leg up, slouching like a bad boy in only a speedo. He began scrolling through his phone, aimless and bored. He had massive arms, and a beaded necklace resting on his large, round chest. His body was covered in tattoos.

He looked over at  me with a subtle nod, then looked back down at his phone and scrolled some more. He was in his 40s and carried a harsh history in the creases of his face. Between his muscles and mean look, there wasn’t a doubt in my mind that he could take care of himself, not like some of the younger guys I’d seen on Soi Twilight. 

This isn’t to say that he couldn’t get hassled by cops. He just struck me as less of a target because of his age and build.

Another guy in a speedo sat next to me who looked just as tough. He introduced himself and asked questions like where was I from and what was I doing in Thailand. 

“Nice muscles,” he said, squeezing my left bicep. I laughed because they were half the size of his. I worked out several times per week, even since I’d arrived in Bangkok, but I have the sort of body that just doesn’t get very big, regardless of the amount of time I spend at the gym. I’ve never been able to gain muscle like these guys, but I’ve always wanted to.

All the guys on stage suddenly got off it and the lights went out. “Welcome to My World” by Jim Reeves started to play through the speakers. Three stocky guys entered the stage wearing only masks and long red capes, although one of them wore just sunglasses in lieu of a mask. Their outfits were a cross between Spanish bullfighters and guests from the orgy scene in Eyes Wide Shut.

They did a cute dance number, moving in unison (or at least trying to), flipping their capes back-and-forth. They would press their capes against their crotches to accentuate their erections since they were naked underneath. 

After dancing around for a little bit, they removed their capes. They were already wearing condoms and maintained their erections as they danced about. Surely they had popped some Viagra earlier. 

They started giving each other blowjobs with condoms. They then simulated fucking through a sort of rhythmic dance, without actually penetrating one another. 

I have to admit, I enjoyed the show. It was silly, to be sure, but it was playful too and was all in good fun. 

Whether a sex worker is old, young, muscular or skinny, advocates in Thailand have emphasized that they’re doing it out of necessity, not desire. I think that can be said for a lot of sex workers, even in Canada. I’ve known people who have gotten into it because they fell on hard times. It happens.

What bothers me about Bangkok’s sex scene is the problem they have with human trafficking and underage sex workers. No matter how liberal one’s view is towards prostitution, this is unacceptable.  

Looking around Tawan though, that’s obviously not a problem. It’s just stocky and muscle men, which is perhaps that’s why I’m so comfortable with the place.

Thursday, Jan 12

Rainbow Soup Social

It’s that time of year where I get to guilt you into things. Some of you had a good Christmas, plenty of good food, drinks, friends, all of the best things. But some of you are not as lucky, and this time of year every support group needs help. Find the one that works for you at any number of places like qmunity.ca or checkhimout.ca, just to name two. This particular group, run by the Health Initiative for Men, invites you to make soup weekly that is provided to queer people and their allies. And if making soup isn’t your thing, find something that is, you will feel great afterwards.

5–7pm. Gordon Neighbourhood House, 1019 Broughton St, register at register@checkhimout.ca. More info at checkhimout.ca

Friday, Jan 13

It’s Just Drag

I know some of you think that a three-hour drag show can be just that: a drag. But tonight Tommy D brings us a TFD production, with all the bells and whistles that go along with a top-performance extravaganza with more than 30 performers. Not only has he snagged Roxxxy Andrews and Naomi Smalls from RuPaul, but from what I hear every queen in the city has been vying for a spot in what promises to be one of the classiest nights in one of the best spots in town for this kind of show. Hosted by Joan-E and Shanda Leer, you’ve got your money’s worth already. Grab your date and dress to impress.

8pm. Commodore Ballroom, 868 Granville St. Tickets  $30–50 at ticketmaster.ca. Info at facebook.com/events/1735240636799430/

Full Length Feature: The End?

Have Carlotta and Gingerbear done it again? Have they ravaged every dancer and stripper that has dropped gear at the “O” and now have to move on? Come down tonight for what could be The End. Carlotta Gurl hosts for one last kick at the can along with Peach Cobblah and Isolde N Barron. DJ Gingerbear will be spinning and VJ’ing the night away and legendary Lola is your bartender du jour. If the night is moving — hopefully closer to the Village — I will keep you informed!

9pm. The Odyssey, 686 W Hastings St. Cover $5. theodyssey.ca

Saturday, Jan 14

Rainbow Bowling LGBTQ Event

I can just see my friend Sydney laughing his ass off when he sees I’ve written about a bowling event. I used to bowl. In fact, I was in the Chicago Gay Games for bowling, but that was at the end of my career when I wasn’t having as much fun, though it got me into the Games. My team did great, me not so much, and when the bowling was all done I “accidentally” let go of my ball on the hill beside our hotel. As far as I know that 16-pound ball still lives at the bottom of that canal. Tonight is a fundraiser for Rainbow Refugee and teams will consist of six members. Bring your team, or they will assign you to a team so nobody misses out. There is a bar, concessions, a bowling-themed costume contest and door prizes, and you get to help out a great support group.

7–11pm. Old Orchard Lanes, 4429 Kingsway, Burnaby. Admission $20. facebook.com/events/1103189363082550/

Vancouver Men In Leather Social & Pump Kink Night

What better night to hit the VML gear night and social? You can meet and greet and get tuned up with a few cocktails before sticking around for PJ’s Pump Kink event: a full night of leather, gear, kink, fetish, men and fun. I am going to have to break out the leather cleaner after this one. Anyone know of a good DNA remover for gear?

8–11pm. Pumpjack Pub, 1167 Davie St. $5 cover after 9pm. vancouvermeninleather.ca

Bulge

Probably not the best name for a night after a few weeks of Christmas binging, but fortunately for us the bulging they are looking for is a little further south of your belly. Be proud and show off the jock or harness that is itching to get out of the closet. No jockstrap? No problem, as everything looks much bigger compressed into a thong. Dance your naked ass off to beats of DJ J Warren (NY) and enjoy hot music, hot men and hot, sweaty bulges begging to be touched and set free. Brought to you by out of town Man Upp Events

9pm–3am. The Hindenburg, 23 W Cordova St. Tickets $7 at eventbrite.com and at door if available. manupp.net

Wild Fruit

Not to be outdone by all the men’s parties this weekend, the women have one of their own and trust me a lot more goes on at this party than you think. Sexy women dancing their faces off to DJ Nathalie, in one of the classiest nightclub spots in the Village. Low lights, lots of snuggle nooks, an outdoor area above street level, filled with plants and a clear view of the stars for the romantically inclined. Just don’t knock over my martini. If you are having a special night they even offer table service, just check online for contact info.

10pm–3am. Playhouse Nightclub, 1240 Thurlow St. Tickets $10 at Little Sister’s, 1238 Davie St or at flygirlproductions.com

Sunday, Jan 15

Search For Miss Gay Latina BC

Caliente Nights announces its search for Miss Gay Latina 2017, starting tonight and continuing on Sunday, Feb 19, to find the best to represent the Latinx LGBT community for a year. Winner takes home a cash prize of $500 and a throne on the Latin LGBTQ Community's Pride float. Now that I know there is a throne, I may just have to compete. It’s the bathing suit competition I may need a lot of help with.

10pm–3am. The Junction, 1138 Davie St. $5 cover after 10pm. facebook.com/events/704542109701060/

Monday, Jan 16

Condom Party

I hate to burst your blown-up condom bubble, but Santa did not leave all those travel packs in your stocking. Your significant other or BFF is nice to look out for you, but those were all freebies given out by HIM and now it’s time to pay it forward. Tonight is condom-packing night where condoms and lube are packaged into tight little containers for the next round. If every condom user in the West End did one shift, we would have enough done for a year and then I would not be hassling you for the next 11 months, bargain! Plus you meet great guys and at the end of the night you get a tasty meal provided by one of the Village’s great eateries.

6–9pm. Health Initiative for Men (HIM) office, 1033 Davie St. checkhimout.ca

Queer Prov

Does the audience laugh when the Queer Prov actors portray straights? I’m just curious because at an improv night I recently saw in Seattle, two of the guys were told to act gay and although I admit the flamboyance was over the top the entire audience was roaring. I’ll have to check it out sometime to see. Tonight boasts an awesome array of Improv-ers that will have you belly laughing most of the night no matter who they portray. Your host tonight is that tiny bundle of energy Josh Rimer.

9pm. XYYVR, 1216 Bute St. No cover. facebook.com/queerprov/

Club Combo

One of the newer nights on Davie Street  at the sexiest lounge around. World. Grime. Dancehall. Weekly with Dolce & Cabanaboy (Prancehall). Try it out, you might just enjoy yourself.

8pm–3am. 1181, 1181 Davie St. No cover. facebook.com/events/1823156221295382/

Tuesday, Jan 17

Join the Struggle With HIM

Resolutions have started and mine have already have gone out the window. I already ate some chocolate and blew a guy at the gym. If I did drugs or smoked I would probably stick it out longer, but that oral fixation is always a killer. If you resolved to quit smoking and need a bit of a push, this meeting is for you. Working with the Lung Association of British Columbia, this is an informative session about options for quitting smoking and advice on beating cravings, getting through withdrawal, and staying smoke-free for good. Whether you need quick answers or step-by-step support, all available options will be presented.

7–8:30pm. HIM Office, 1033 Davie St. no charge but for more information, or to register, email register@checkhimout.ca  or call 604-488-1001. checkhimout.ca

Steev & Oli’s Magic Mic Night

Before you get your panties in a bunch, Channing Tatum is not coming to town, although I have heard the microphone they will use tonight is an exact replica of his penis. Comedian Steev Letts and Oli Maughan are calling all comedians, musicians and performance acts to share their new open mic night, starting tonight. Pros, amateurs and first-timers all welcome, sign up is at 7pm.

7–11pm. The Junction, 1138 Davie St. No cover. facebook.com/events/1330277723689999/

Wednesday, Jan 18

Bear Hump

If you didn’t get enough bear meat in your diet over the holidays, here is your chance to catch up at a mid-week gathering of furry men and the guys that want them. Yes, it is true that some of the muscle bears are too big for the towels and just have to go without, but it is a curse they have to bear. Look away if you can, but I doubt you will. From tourists to regulars, there is something here for everyone. Get a room and spend a week here and you will think you died and went to heaven, you just may need a wheelchair to leave.

3–9pm. Steamworks Baths, 123 W Pender St. Weekday rates start at $13.  Steamworksbaths.com

Friday, Jan 13

Puppy Love 

I’d Tap That hosts a sexy, inclusive, performance-filled dance party on Toronto’s sassy Queen Street West. The music, a mix of pop, house, R&B and more, is supplied by DJs Dang Kids and Nate Nightcall. The entertainment includes something burlesque-y from Kelsey Slammer. According to billing, oppressive behaviour will not be tolerated at this bash.

10pm–midnight. The Beaver, 1192 Queen St W. facebook.com/idtapthattoronto 

Skank Top: Black Out Party 

With the lights turned low, guys in slutty shirts dance and flirt at this body-positive party. DJ Aeryn Pfaff spins and go-go boys shake it. The motto for the night is “body pride, not pride body,” so all shapes, sizes and colours are not only welcome but loved. A dark space is set up downstairs for, according to billing, “some slap and tickle” (which is like sex, but more British sounding). 

10:30pm–2am. The Steady, 1051 Bloor St W. facebook.com/tankskop 

Skank Top: Black Out Party is a body-positive party taking place on Jan 13, 2017 at The Steady.

Courtesy Evan Bergstra

Saturday, Jan 14

Board Games Night

The Toronto Gaymers hosts its first board game event of the year. This edition of the recurring event has no theme; queer folks just choose a game (or several) from the group’s vast library of games and chill out with some dice, cards, small wooden or plastic figures — whatever. Bring friends. The venue sells alcohol, but there is no obligation to booze it up. 

3–9pm. Glad Day Bookshop, 499 Church St. facebook.com/torontogaymers 

Boner 

You gotta love branding that gets straight to the point — no quibbling, no BS, just boner. Presented by Nigel March, this new, penis-themed monthly dance party includes a clothes check. Guys just strip down to whatever feels comfortable (which can mean wearing nothing at all) and dance and flirt (and who knows) to DJ Joshua Reid’s hot beats. 

10pm–3am. Club 120, 120 Church St. facebook.com/bonergear 

Boner is the new penis-themed monthly dance party by Nigel March.

Courtesy Nigel March

Trade with Christeene 

According to billing, this dance party is very sex- and slut-positive — “Let’s celebrate our sexualities, our community, and all you gross whores for the first Trade of the year,” it says. The bash includes a performance by the inimitable Christeene, and music by DJs Phillippe and Scooter McCreight. Organizers say they won’t allow slut or body shaming, misogyny or transphobia. 

10pm–3am. The Black Eagle, 457 Church St. facebook.com/getsometrade

Sunday, Jan 15

Bathhouse and Body Works: Dottie Dangerfield and Nancy Bocock

Drag performer Dottie Dangerfield, billed as a “meat curtains provocateur,” is one of the headliners at this queer bathhouse night. In addition to the usual play areas and spa facilities, the evening also includes Axel Blows pole dancing, DJs spinning, and something called “Sybian Jenga” (it appears to be Jenga played on a massive, rideable vibrator). Everyone welcome. 

7pm–3am. Oasis Aqualounge, 231 Mutual St. oasisaqualounge.com

Drag performer Dottie Dangerfield is headlining at this event, held on Jan 15, 2017, at Oasis Aqualounge.

Courtesy Dottie Dangerfield

After over three decades in operation, the Centretown Pub closed abruptly on Jan 15, 2017. The doors to the business were padlocked and an eviction notice was posted on its door. 

“We have done this because you have defaulted on your obligation to pay monthly rent and additional rent, most recently on December 25, 2016, January 1, 2017 and January 8, 2017,” said the notice from Windle Law Firm. 

The owners of the gay bar — which is the oldest in the city — had been trying to sell the business for about a year. Reports from last January found that the bar was listed for $399,000 and the building was listed for $849,000. 

“Unfortunately, with many factors in play, such as rising operational costs and a steady decline of foot traffic amongst them, the struggle to keep up with obligations was very real and constant,” Centretown Pub posted on its Facebook page on Jan 17. 

Xtra was unable to reach the bar’s owners directly for comment. 

“I’m kind of surprised that it did close the way it did,” says Michael Deyell, co-owner of Stonewall Wilde’s, a local business a few blocks from Centretown Pub. “I know it was the first bar that I ever went to in the late ’80s. That’s kind of the bar I came out in.”

Centretown Pub sits near the intersection of Bank and Somerset West Streets, which has historically been the heart of Ottawa’s queer community. But it’s been a rough year for queer business owners in Ottawa. Stonewall Wilde’s launched in October 2016 after merging two of the city’s oldest gay-owned businesses — the book and art store After Stonewall and the sex shop Wilde’s — to save them from a similar fate. 

“It’s a shame, because it’s one of the iconic gay-owned businesses in Ottawa,” Deyell says about the bar. “It’s sad to see something like that close.” 

Although there are two gay bars left in Ottawa, neither are in the historic heart of queer life in the city. But there are signs that new life is being breathed into the city’s gay village.  

At the end of March, Shawn Pudsey will be opening T’s Pub in a building across the street from Centretown Pub. “I think there’s still a space in the gay community for gay bars,” Pudsey says. “We hope to fill that space.” 

However, Pudsey also says Centretown Pub will be missed in the community. “It’s always been our place to go,” he says about the bar. “It really feels like a death in the family.” 

Although it recognized its closure marks an end to an era, the bar also said in its Facebook post that it would remain part of the city’s queer community. “We won’t abandon our community and the outpouring of support from many sources have shown that, indeed, our community is still strong and caring,” the post said. 

“Although a chapter has closed in our community, don’t despair,” it continued. “Like any good story, there is always a new chapter at the end of an old one.” 

Everyone who’s walked through the Patpong Night Market in Bangkok has likely been accosted by men shouting, “Ping pong show?” in their faces. Although apprehensive, my curiosity was always piqued by their calls as I visualized what exploitative horrors these shows might hold. Although I’d always been tempted to see for myself, I wouldn’t have gone alone — straight venues are a whole different thing. 

I hadn’t made any real friends in Bangkok, nor have I had any real sex either, which was strange given how over-sexualized some parts of this city can be. Despite falling in love with Thai culture — and even more with the food — I was having trouble connecting with locals and tourists alike. 

I was extremely happy when my lover, Ernan, finally joined me for a weeklong visit. I’d mapped out all my favourite street food stalls for him to try and neighbourhoods for him to see. 

On the second night of his visit, I decided to give him a snapshot of Bangkok’s gay scene. We started on Soi Twilight, where he was mesmerized by the neon signs and the bustle of the hustlers, trying to get our attention. I then took him to Soi 4 where we sat and chatted over beers, deciding how we would spend the next week together. 

Afterward, we took a stroll down Silom Road. When we passed the Patpong Night Market, a guy got in our faces: “Ping pong show?” 

Ernan turned towards me, looking mischievous. “Let’s go,” he said.

I was scared, but at least I now had company. “Fine, let’s do it,” I said. 

The guy led us back through the bazaar to a building halfway down the street and up some stairs. We entered a seedy bar, which was dimly lit and rundown. There was a stage in the centre with three women on it — two in bikinis and the other wearing a skirt hiked up and bunched around her waist. She was barefoot and not wearing any underwear.  

We were seated in the first row next to a straight couple. There were two more couples, and a large group of guys sitting to the side of the stage who were shouting and cheering.

They closed the front door and the hostess handed balloons to the group of guys. She asked them to hold the balloons up above their head. The girl on stage with her skirt up got on her knees, bent over and inserted a dart into her vagina. She then fired it back out towards the first balloon, popping it. She fired another and another popping each balloon, one-by-one.  

The place was thrown into a fit of cheers as this woman and her sexuality were reduced to a third-world carnival show for the amusement of the Western tourists.

Ernan was unsettled, but he was the only person that seemed bothered by the show. 

The hostess began handing out ping pong paddles. She gave one to Ernan and tried to hand one to me too but I declined. People looked over at me like I was ruining the fun, but I wasn’t going to participate. 

There was a new girl on stage now, wearing a bikini top with no bottoms, carrying a bowl of ping pong balls. She sat on her back with her legs up and reached for one. They kept slipping between her fingers in the bowl like they were lubed up, maybe. When she was finally able to clutch one she popped it into her vagina. 

She made a strange facial expression and grunted as the ping pong ball fired out towards the couple to our side. The guy swung the paddle, hitting the ball and it bounced off the bottom of the stage. The couple laughed.  

The woman on stage kept inserting balls into her vagina and spitting them back out. One was fired at Ernan, and he swung for it, anxious, but missed. It hit his thigh instead, leaving a wet spot on his jeans. 

I can’t imagine that this show was meant to be sexy. Are some Westerners so out of touch with the struggles of those in developing countries that they could possibly find this amusing?

The whole thing was worse than I thought it’d be. Perhaps all the exploitation I’ve witnessed in the city had turned my sexuality off temporarily? 

“I need to go,” I told Ernan. “This is too much for me.”

Thursday, Jan 19

Vancouver’s Next Drag Superstar 2017

Just when you thought it was a time to relax after the holidays, a trifecta of promoters, Celebrities, Cruisey T and our city’s own version of RuPaul, Tommy D, start up another round of drag queen battles for Vancouver’s Next Drag Superstar 2017. Hosted by Jane Smoker, this competition runs weekly until Thursday, Feb 16 and promises to be even more entertaining than last year. A few new-to-town queens are itching (not that way) to show what they’ve got. Hint: Get there early, it fills up faster than a drag queen can down a drink.

8pm. Celebrities Nightclub, 1022 Davie St. Cover $5. facebook.com/events/1851121808434886/

Friday, Jan 20

Walkies

As soon as I saw this event I could hear an older English person yelling, in exactly the voice you are hearing in your head right now, at their dogs. Trust me, I live with an Englishman and that is really how they sound. These walkies, however, are with the cute pups of VAN-PAH and their handlers. Join in for a night of hot cocoa and a walk to Britannia Ice Rink to skate your heart out and chase a cute pup around the ice.

6:30–9:15pm. Meet at Waves Coffee, 1858 Commercial Dr, then take a short walk to Britannia Rink, 1661 Parker St. Cost is $6 admission, $3 skate rental. facebook.com/vanpah/

Gay Yoga

Thank god there is no nude yoga running at the moment; nobody wants to see all the treats and meals of Christmas jiggling in front of your face. But here is a regular weekly class to get you into shape while still fully dressed, hopefully in something tight enough to keep everything in place. Summer is on the way and we guys all need to get the flexibility and circulation going in case of an after-yoga hook-up. This is an easy-going group without attitude, open to all levels. Please bring your own yoga mat, a towel and lots of energy’

7–8:30pm. Scotiabank Dance Centre, 677 Davie St. Sessions are free but in order to keep services for gay men sustainable they rely on your generous donations (most people give $5–10). checkhimout.ca

Les Ballets Trockadero de Monte Carlo

I am not a big ballet fan but I am a fan of bulges in Spandex or Lycra bouncing all over the ballet stage, which is why I checked out The Trocks on their last swing through town in 2015. What I didn’t know until the curtain went up is that this is a crossdressing company, so the only bulge I got to see was mine from being shoehorned into a very narrow seat. That aside, it was still one of the funniest nights I have seen at a show. Don’t miss these ballerinas as they lovingly skewer such balletic favourites as Swan Lake, La Esmeralda and Don Quixote with grace, skill, silliness, and a lot of flouncy dresses.

8pm. Queen Elizabeth Theatre, 630 Hamilton St. Tickets $29–129 on their website. Show runs Friday and Saturday, Jan 21. trockadero.org

Saturday, Jan 21

Out In Harmony: We Belong Together

Mrs MacLavanie was my choir teacher back in elementary school. Believe it or not, I was adorable back then, and could sing. Plus, I was the normal height of a third grader. Thinking back on it now, I hated that teacher. In one song, “Edelweiss,” I had to perform a solo that has stuck in my brain and played over and over ever since at the most inappropriate times. Helpfully, it has been my go-to place when I don’t want to cum too fast. TMI, I know, but we all have that place. Out in Harmony, however, welcomes people of all gender identities and sexual orientations as they create a fun and safe community where all are free to be themselves and to stretch musically. No auditions or previous musical experience are required. Tonight their concert celebrates the need to feel you can belong, relax and feel safe, no matter where you come from. Sit back and let the music engulf you as you enjoy the evening.

7pm. Unitarian Church of Vancouver, 949 West 49th Ave. Tickets $15 advance at bit.do/oihwbt or $20 at the door. outinharmony.org

Night Run: Black Light Party

Well, it must be an omen from the gods. As I sit here writing this, Canada Post has kindly just dropped off the four neon jock straps I ordered. I hope my package doesn’t blind you. As usual, when DJ Gingerbear spins the sweat will be dripping and the men grinding as the sexiest go-go studs rock their glow wear. Joining the naturally glowing Gingerbear will be Producer/DJ Tommy K from Chicago, spinning some futuristic tribal-tech house mixed with soulful drums, sexy vocal tracks and future sounds. 

9pm–3am. The Odyssey, 686 West Hastings St. Tickets $10 at ticketzone.com/nightrun or facebook.com/events/743195225828283/

Return To The Chair

If you cross a stage, a chair, some of the best comedians and actors in town and host David C Jones, what do you get? A night full of skits and scenes like Helium Death Scene, When Your One and Only Is Two People and many more. A different type of night that does not happen often; try not to miss it.

7–10pm. XYYVR, 1216 Bute St. No Cover. facebook.com/events/173716726442909/

Whistler Pride Kickoff Party

Whether you are heading up to Whistler for Pride (which starts Sunday, Jan 22, see below) or have to stay home and make money, tonight is the kickoff party where you can start your week. XY will be transformed into a frozen winter wonderland. Come in and get ready to head up the mountain, probably with a hangover but at least it will be cold enough to keep you alert. DJ Rafael Calvente will spin and there will be a performance by Bibi Souphresh. Remember, if the bartenders are down to their underwear, it’s not their fault; It’s cold in there.

9pm. XYYVR, 1216 Bute St. Cover $10. facebook.com/events/1813278338941933/

D G-Luv & Bikes

1181 does so many over-the-top nights I thought, sure, they could be doing spin classes with that little ball of energy DJ G-Luv spinning along with the bikes. Now I understand that Bikes is DJ and Producer Shawn Henderson, so although I won’t be getting any exercise I will be hearing great music, having a few cocktails and hopefully watching Riley and Thiago bartending. Life is good.

10pm–1am. 1181, 1181 Davie St. No cover. facebook.com/pg/1181Lounge/events/?ref=page_internal

Sunday, Jan 22

Whistler Pride 25

Twenty-five years of Whistler Pride. Over the years, that is a lot of parties, men, hot tubs, relationships, one night stands, drag queens, DJs, and chemicals — and I don’t mean Botox. But those are all the parts of a great week-long event, so who is to judge? The only thing I’m not sure there is a lot of is skiing, as my friends who go never seem to even get on the slopes. But I’m told the skiing and snowboarding is among the best in the world, if you’re into that sort of thing. This year’s headliners off the slopes include Kim Kuzma, a comedy night with Pam Ann, and a huge closing party featuring The Cube Guys, plus the Wild West Party, the pool party, the uniform ball, and more events. Whistler Pride runs until Sunday, Jan 29 so take a few minutes to plan out your events and get your tickets. Event times, locations and more info at gaywhistler.com.

Shequel

I don’t know how all that makeup stays on Alma B Itches as she runs from place to place shaking her booty. Tonight after a usually packed house at Sanctuary, she high tails it, sometimes not quite in a straight line, and does this show across the street. This week her guests are Dust and Amy Grindhouse. I’m sure there will be many more queens there, since highballs are half price after 11pm.

1am–late. XYYVR, 1216 Bute St, Cover $5 or free if you have your stamp from Legends that plays earlier in the night. facebook.com/xyvancouver

Queers & Beers: Winter Edition

Just like ham & eggs, toast & jam and cereal & milk, what else goes better together than Queers & Beers? Since there is snow on the ground and a chill in the air, they are saying bye bye to the parking lot and moving to a new location across the street. Come on down for a thirst-quenching afternoon of meeting new folks, catching up with old friends and warming up with a nice frothy pint of the best beer (or cider) around.

5pm. The American Hotel, 926 Main St. Cover is sliding scale $7–15. facebook.com/events/1412291362145015/

Monday, Jan 23

Flex Fit With Him

Hands up, who is still doing their resolutions for 2017? That’s what I thought. I am right there along with you, so this class can be our salvation. Spring is on the way, and we are too old to keep calling it baby fat, unless you can have a 45-year-old baby. This weekly class combines muscle strengthening and stretching exercises such as push-ups, squats, yoga, basic Pilates, core exercises, and resistance band training. Bring a mat, towel and bottle of water. 

5:30–6:30pm. Scotiabank Dance Centre, 6877 Davie St. For more information or to register, please phone 604.488.1001 or email register@checkhimout.ca. More info at checkhimout.ca

Tuesday, Jan 24

Gay Speed Dating

Where else can you meet 25 guys for three minutes each? And no, Syd, the slurp ramp at the bathhouse does not count. You will spend three minutes each with all 25 guys, one at a time, and then you will check for any messages left for you at the end of the night, so no face-to-face rejection.

7–9:30pm. XYYVR, 1216 Bute St. Cover $25. facebook.com/xyvancouver/

S’no Ho’s

I love my psychic (or is that psychotic) powers. Without even looking this event up I knew already with a name like S’no Ho’s, it had to be Conni Smudge and Carlotta Gurl. I hear when they go up the mountain they strap a keg of tequila on Dell Stamp, like a rescue dog, in case they get lost or caught in an avalanche. This will be a night where Kamp will be King, or Queen. Dress up or dress down, this night is about having a gay ol' time. Come one come all, dancing until the wee hours is encouraged with DJ Andes on deck all night.

9pm–12am. Check gaywhistler.com for venue and address. Tickets $15 if no pass. facebook.com/events/1682766692015215/

The gay scene in Bangkok is made up of many go-go clubs, spas and bars. Between the local men and the surplus of tourists, it can feel like the options are endless for hooking up. Coupled with the underlying sexual current that energizes many of the city streets, you’d think I’d be having sex every night of the week.

About a month before arriving in the city, I’d spent some time on Scruff trying to get an idea of the men I might encounter. There were more local guys than I would’ve thought and in my mind, I was going to have a shit load of sex — and then some.  

But the reality is, I haven’t had sex once outside of Ernan’s visit. 

I knew that the sex trade was a big thing in the city but I didn’t expect it to upstage the gay scene in Silom so much. Of course there’s more to Silom than just prostitution, but when you’re sitting out on Soi 4, surrounded by elderly men coupled with young Thai guys, it becomes overbearing after a few weeks.

One night I headed to Soi 4 for a night cap and was seated next to a guy in his 70s who was entertaining a young Thai man. He tried to communicate with him in English, but neither of them could speak it very well, so they used hand gestures. 

The older guy didn’t seem to mind though. He was groping his young buddy nonstop, and kept kissing him on his face and neck awkwardly as if he had never kissed someone before. The poor kid looked embarrassed and trapped. 

Witnessing such experiences made visiting this Soi that much less appealing.

I’d put Bangkok’s sexuality on the same level of intensity as Berlin— it’s out there and in your face, and though there are some perverts in Berlin, they seem to find each other. It’s consensual and it works. But with the prevalence of sex trafficking and underage workers in Bangkok, it’s just exploitative and disturbing. 

Following a string of raids throughout Thailand, the police shut down a massage parlour last year and arrested more than 100 sex workers. Fifteen of them were underage. There are an estimated three to four million migrant workers in Thailand who are being trafficked for labour or sex. 

Though the sex industry mainly caters to local men, the city is full of tourists who want sex but don’t seem concerned about where it’s coming from. The ignorance is off-putting too, and I started writing tourists off because any that I’d meet seemed like they were there for the young Thai men. Someone who would make vacation out of fetizishing and expoitation isn’t very interesting to me, or sexy in any way. These transient visitors weren’t an option any longer. 

When you’re using hook-up apps like Grindr or Scruff, some of the local guys are on there are soliciting massages (and more) so you never get away from it. Just when you think you’ve met someone who likes you, they name a price, which is disheartening. I stopped using these apps, but even after that I couldn’t stop second-guessing the intentions of locals and was always on guard.

Instead of cruising, I started exploring the city itself, outside of Silom. I went through each neighbourhood, one-by-one, visiting monuments and temples along the way. I sought out weekend markets and bazaars, and learned to take the river boat with Ernan as a means of transportation to get from one side of the city to the other. I was slowly being seduced by Thai culture.

I was replacing sex with food as well, as I started to eat at local spots in the parts of Sathon where no other tourists would go. I became adventurous with the fare, eating from any street stall that seemed appetizing. Often, I wouldn’t even know what I was putting in my mouth. The further I strayed from Silom, the more I appreciated what Bangkok had to offer.

Kobkarn Wattanavrangkul, Thailand’s first female tourism minister has vowed to end the sex industry in the country. She claims that tourists don’t come for the sex but rather for the beautiful culture. Though I’ve witnessed quite the contrary, I can’t help but applaud her. From what I’ve seen, the sex industry is a total buzz kill. 

At the same time, with so many sex workers in Thailand, cracking down on this industry seems problematic from an economic standpoint, not only for the people who depend on the cash but for the economy as a whole. The police claim that they’re looking to prosecute venues that employ illegal and underage workers.

The problem is that we’ve already learned that police are abusing their power by using fear of arrest to extort bribes or sex. Why would that change now?

Maybe the real solution lies in legalization? I can’t say for sure. I’m neither living in poverty nor am I a sex worker. I’m not Thai either, but what I do know is that what I was seeing was ugly — and a complete turnoff. 

Thankfully, Ernan visited me so I got me some lovin’ and it felt good. And Tokyo is on tap for February. I’ll be staying a few blocks from Eagle there . . . there is hope yet.

Thursday, Jan 26

Lesbians Who Tech

Geeks whom I know — and respect immensely as they fix my computers — are always asking me to take them along on nights on the town so they can meet people. But are they really going to enjoy a bear in a shower, or naked men dancing around a bathhouse? Of course not.  They’d be hooking up the TVs to surround sound. Here is a night for queer women in tech — geeky or otherwise — that has been meeting in 35 cities for almost 5 years.

6-8pm. Kingstone Taphouse, 755 Richards St. Suggested donation $15 at eventbrite.com.

facebook.com/events/1318471554858943/

Vancity Street: BOI Culture

BOI Culture has a single mission: “A soul doesn’t have a gender, masculinity doesn’t belong to ‘men’ and femininity doesn’t belong to ‘women’.”   I may have to crash the show to see what I’m missing. A night of fashion that features street-style vendors, local acts and runway sets from a variety of local shops and designers. DJ Skylar Love spins the tunes.

8-11pm. MIA, 350 Water St. Free admission with RSVP from bit.ly/2iGebJH.

facebook.com/events/1410242718986559

Bratpack Season 3

I am a creature of habit, or so I’ve been told. There are nights where I go to events and couldn’t tell you one thing that actually went on because I was too focused on the bartender, the DJ, the go-go man —or if it’s a good night, all three. This is one of those nights. Trust me, check out the DJ. The trashy party girls you’ve watched through seasons one and two are back and have blossomed into full-grown women (still trashy, thank god) and are as entertaining and funny as ever. Jane Smokr, Jem, Gia Metric, Valynne Vile, Kendall Gender, Synthia Kiss and DJ Nick Bertossi are on the performance card.

11pm. The Junction, 1138 Davie St. Cover $6. facebook.com/bratpackvancouver/?fref=ts

Friday, Jan 27

Do Si Do

I’m not much of a country music dancing machine. If I twirled someone, they’d probably take off like one of those flying spinning tops and land on the pool table. But I love to watch the newbies and the experts mix it up. Come by and check out the line dancing lesson before the night really gets going so you don’t feel embarrassed about your moves.

8pm. Pumpjack Pub, 1167 Davie St. No cover. timberlinedance.org/

Man Up: Fallen Icons of 2016

I love Man Up parties but I try to remain sober and aware or I could get into an embarrassing situation as these are some of the most realistic kings you’ll see onstage. Tonight is a tribute to some of the greatest heroes of modern music and pop culture, from Prince to Natalie Cole and many more, with a special tribute to Aaliyah. Ponyboy hosts, and DJs T and She helm the playlist.

9pm-2am. The Cobalt, 917 Main St. Cover $8 before 10pm, $15 after. facebook.com/events/216541235420511

Eye Roll: Another F@&*#ing 90s Party

I thought I was going to get away without listing Peach Cobblah, but not a chance. I mention that woman so many times I should be married to her instead of my husband. Do you miss flip phones, frosted tips, fanny packs, sparkle eye shadow, nude lips, unisex everything and Kate Moss ads? Then tonight is for you. You’ll be transported back in time to the 1990s, and there may even be a streaker or two. Peach Cobblah, Valynne Vile and the hottest staff in town are on tap.

10pm-2am. XYYVR, 1216 Bute St. Cover $10. facebook.com/events/1850945381790213/

Saturday, Jan 28

Mistresses Of Illusion

It wasn’t that I was too cheap to go to Whistler for a week of sex, snow and debauchery. My husband would probably shoot me for going for a week. And anyway, without his support, how could I phone in sick every day of Pride ski week. The next best thing is to go to Chilliwack and have a night out with the secret group of drag queens coming from Vancouver to do a show at the only gay spot in the area. I’m sure it’s just as easy to get lucky with a stranger there, and I can turn off the heat in the room, open all the windows and pretend it’s Whistler at one-tenth the price. Join me?

8pm. Wilde Oscar’s, 45886 Wellington Ave, Chilliwack. Tickets $10 advance wildeoscars@gmail.com or $15 at door. facebook.com/wildeoscarspub/?fref=ts

Revenge Of The Popinjay

This is a new one for me: an experimental rap-horror show where the star struggles to cope with the loss of his sister while uncovering a frightening link between himself, his boyfriend and an elusive gay rap star/serial killer who targets heterosexuals. I have to admit the promo pic of the guy in his underwear motivates me to check out the performance, part of the PuSh International Performing Arts Festival.

9pm. The Fox Cabaret, 2321 Main St. Tickets $22 at 604-449-6000 or ticketfly.com. More info at pushfestival.ca/shows/festival-2017/revenge-of-the-popinjay/

Dare To Bear

I am total voyeur and I love to see guys in underwear, jocks, harnesses — essentially, any event that doesn’t require pants. I like to think that Pumpjack gets me and all the nights of go-go men, shower bears, gear night — and of course the famous Underwear Night — are just for my benefit. Don’t be shy and try it sometime. There’s always somebody who wishes they had your body instead of theirs. Hell, you can have my body anytime, just book in advance.

9pm. Pumpjack Pub, 1167 Davie St. Cover $5 after 9pm. pumpjackpub.com

Snowball 25

Snowball is an appropriate name for the closing party of a gay Pride weekend in the snow, although I will stay silent if ever asked if I have partaken. Judgements, you know.  I think Whistler will be too cold for snowballing — the sexual version, that is — but this closing party will be off the hook. The Cube Guys and DJ Bret Law will hit the spot after you’ve snowboarded, swam, fallen in love more than a dozen times, and lusted a couple of dozen more. For those interested in checking it out, tickets are still available.

10pm-4am. Whistler Convention Centre, 4010 Whistler Way, Whistler. Tickets $98 at wanttickets.com.

facebook.com/events/351788058525916/

Sunday, Jan 29

The Sleepy Girls Show

A new night in an old venue is always an adventure. Dust and Amy invite you into their bedroom where they do what girls do in their bedroom. I can hear the hum of the vibrator already. Come enjoy the nostalgia and experience being 16 again with them and their guests Kendall Gender and Jane Smokr. DJ Girl Fieri will throw down the tracks to keep your feet tapping. It’s also a restaurant, so if you get peckish, dinner is 8:30pm.

9:30pm-12am. Displace Hashery, 3293 West 4th Ave. Cover $10 at door. facebook.com/events/262354980850768/

Monday, Jan 30

B Roll: Sex And The City

I don’t even have to look at the listing or poster to know who will play Samantha. Carlotta Gurl will be your sexy tramp of the evening as B Roll presents Sex and the City. Hang onto your man and have some fun. Cosmos are the drink of the night and Jimmy Choo is the footwear to be seen in. Host Jane Smokr will keep everything in line.

9pm. The Penthouse Nightclub, 1019 Seymour St. Tickets $10-$15 at eventbrite.ca.

facebook.com/events/160610401006694/

Del’s Extended Weekend

Between a full-time job, being in and out of town on DJ gigs, promotional work, cock inspector for Pumpjack, Junction and Steamworks and being as horny as a 16-year-old, of course he can start up a new weekly night. I want whatever keeps him going. Who am I referring to? Del Stamp, natch. Duh.

11pm-3am. The Junction, 1138 Davie St. No cover. 

junctionpub.com/events/dels-extended-weekend-2017-01-23/

Tuesday, Jan 31

New Beginnings

New year, new beginnings. The median age of the guys who show up for this group is 21 so I’m not sure they are the ones who could use the new beginning. Where’s the group for my new beginnings? Mpowerment discussion nights are a place where young, gay, bi, and queer guys can come together and learn about themselves, each other and our community. All guys who like guys and their friends are invited.

6:30-9pm. Mpowerment Headquarters, 205-568 Seymour St. Free event.

facebook.com/events/378659862472794

Strapping It On: Live

Whether you are straight or gay, every woman has a man in her life she’s wanted to bend over a table, plow into, and hear him scream for a change. Still, I admit I know a couple of guys who also use strap-ons for double penetration if there’s only one partner around. Redrobin leads this workshop and demo. Regardless of gender, sexual orientation or role, this kind of play can be pleasurable for everyone involved, and they’ll show you how with a female model and live demo. Best date night ever.

7:30pm. The Art Of Loving, 369 West Broadway. Cost $50. Please pre-register a day before as the group is popular. artofloving.ca/seminars/seminar-topics/strapping-it-live-demo

Toronto police are investigating three alleged early-morning assaults in the Church-Wellesley Village from earlier this month. All three alleged assaults took place at the intersection of Church and Maitland Streets.

Brandon Keir told Xtra that he was attacked by two men at around 2am on Jan 4, 2017, after he and two friends left Flash, a Church Street nightclub. 

Two days later, police say they received calls about two separate assaults in the area. Constable Matthew Scarlino, who is in charge of the investigation, told Xtra by email that both callers gave “a vague but similar description” of the group involved on Jan 4.

Allyson Douglas-Cook, a Toronto police spokesperson, said in an email that the early-morning attacks on Jan 6 both appeared to be unprovoked. According to Douglas-Cook, the alleged victim’s injuries were not serious in nature, and paramedics were called but the victims did not need to go to the hospital.

Toronto police are considering the possibility that all three assaults were carried out by the same group of people. Scarlino says that the police have not been able to find any video of the alleged perpetrators.

January 4th incident

“They were clearly looking to beat up someone,” Keir says of his alleged interaction with the group on Jan 4.

Keir, who was dressed in drag at the time, says that he was followed and hit by two men after a verbal altercation.

Codey Margeson and Chelsea Dowie, who left the club with Keir, say they were walking towards Church and Maitland Streets when a group of men heckled Keir.

“I can’t remember specifically what they were saying, but they were trying to instigate something,” Dowie says. “And Brandon said, not even that loudly, ‘whatever, bitches.’”

Dowie says that the men then started screaming at Keir while following them down Maitland Street. 

According to the three of them, the group of men cornered Keir in front of an apartment building.

“I went up to the step, and then I turned around and they were in front of me, hitting me,” Keir alleges.

“I knew that it was just going to get worse, so I jumped in front of Brandon,”  Dowie says. “And I’m unfortunately only five-foot-four, and they were able to reach over me and they punched him in the face.”

Dowie called the police, and says that one of the men threatened them before running off.

“At one point, the leader said to us, as they were leaving, ‘we’re going to be back next week to finish you,’” she says.

Keir, who had moved to the Village the day before the attack, walked away from the incident with a black eye and cuts on his face.

“I’m kind of glad it happened to me and not someone else by themselves because it could have gone a lot worse,” he says.

Other men told Xtra that they were heckled by a similar group while dressed in drag that night.

Matt Coccia says that he and his boyfriend were saying goodbye to friends near Church and Alexander Streets when a group of men started yelling “fish” at him.

“And I thought nothing of it, and then they started yelling more things,” he says. “Like ‘you’re going to go home and fuck that faggot.’”

Ryan Boa says that he was walking north on Church Street a little bit before 2am when a group of men began to heckle him, yelling “hey girl” and “hey baby,” and even chased him after he got into a cab.

Scarlino says the group is not suspected in connection with any other incident since. While no arrests have been made, the incidents are still under investigation.

Thursday, Feb 2

Lights Out

Find a date before Valentine’s Day by groping around in the dark until you find something you fancy. It may not be covered in chocolate, but I can guarantee you can eat until you are full — and not a calorie in sight. This weekly night is infamous for its low lighting and frisky men. If you’re shy, you’ll emerge a champ.

4pm-4am. Steamworks Baths, 123 W Pender Street. Rates start at $15. steamworksbaths.com

Friday, Feb 3

Taboo

I met a couple of men — on separate nights — and they turned out to be the best one-night stands I ever had.  This show is a perfect cover for those not quite out of the closet (or quietly bisexual). While their girlfriends look at all the hot men, so can they. This annual three-day show has all you want to sexually enhance your life — bondage, virtual reality porn, ass competition, the Body Heat All Male Review, and of course, the giant penis painter himself, Brent Ray Fraser. Yes, he is painting. Check out the website for the full schedule. 

Tonight 5pm-12am, Saturday 12pm-12am and Sunday 12pm-6pm. Vancouver Convention Centre, 999 Canada Place. Admission $20 per day. tabooshow.com/Taboo-Vancouver

Bitch Please

It’s hard to believe that Alma Bitches is the numero uno bitch at the House of Bitches. She’s so sweet and demure. But that is day-drag Alma; Alma at night is a whole different story. This is her group’s first pop-up event, featuring Ilona, Rich Elle, Eva Scarlett and Jo Duree — probably not a show to take your grandmother to, unless granny used to be a madam. DJ G-Luve brings the stability back and keeps you dancing all night, so drop by and get in on the ground floor of a new event.

9pm-3am. XYYVR, 1216 Bute St. Cover $5 all night. facebook.com/events/1185414431574073/

Britney X Britney

If Adam Dreaddy hadn’t left us for Montreal — and blocked most of us on Facebook — we could flog a show about pre-shaved-head and post-shaved-head Britney Spears that would drive him crazy. A night full of Britney doing what she does best, and you wont even see her lips move so it’s just like being at her concert. Come dance to all her hits, drink some Britney cocktails and bet your friends whether Britney, aka Carlotta Gurl, shows up and does a few flash shots that Brit is famous for.

9pm-3am. The Odyssey, 686 W Hastings St. Free entry but must register online for guest list at theodyssey.ca. More info at facebook.com/events/929170490548534/

Peach Cobblah Live

I know what you’re thinking. She’s always live. That may be true, but sometimes she’s so polluted they just prop the Peach up in a corner while Isolde sits behind and does the hand movements. Seriously, she’s one of the hardest working girls, entertaining us for what seems like six nights a week — and flawlessly at that. Tonight if you want a taste of the Peach you must travel across the strait. Peach Cobblah, along with the legendary Gouda Gabour and Mr Gay Vancouver Island, Persi Flage, will make you glad you made the voyage.

11pm-2am. Paparazzi Nightclub, 642 Johnson St, Victoria. Cover $8. paparazzinightclub.com/events.html

Saturday, Feb 4

 Feb-Rubbery

Who knew that a fetish event would be named after the way my mother always made chicken taste? Get ready as Vancouver Rubber Men invade Pumpjack with a whole lot of shiny, tight, slippery and boner-inducing invincible rubber. All I want to do is slide my hands all over it — and they usually let you — and then stand back as the rubber expands as far as it can.

2-5pm. Pumpjack Pub, 1167 Davie St. No cover. vanrubbermen.com

Van-Pah Mosh Time

Pumpjack is an equal-opportunity event provider. While rubber occupies the back, puppy play is at the front. Watch the puppies sniff and play all over the bar. A mosh is an opportunity for pups and their handlers to get together and socialize. Come on out to romp, socialize or just explore.

2-4pm. Pumpjack Pub, 1167 Davie St. No cover. vanpah.com

WESA Registration

Who’s ready for some ball play? No, not the hairy ones. Smooth, unwashed and stitched ones, so yes, baseballs. It’s that time of year to act upon what you always say: “West End Slo-Pitch Association is great, I’m going to join a team next year.” Get cracking because teams fill up fast. The season runs from the end of April to the end of July or early August. Meet a crazy number of people and get some exercise while you’re at it. Today is the first day of online registration followed by a welcoming party later in the month. For information and registration form, visit wesa.net.

XY: onyx

Not only is this a hot night of entertainment in a classy nightclub with stunning bar staff, but it also has a hidden hottie. DJ Landon James is one of those sultry, sexy, quiet DJs with a body that could be in GQ, or at least Scruff — and he plays great music to boot. Tonight, Coco Klein is in the house ready to knock you on your ass with one of the fiercest drag performances you’ll ever see. Don’t take my word for it, just go. Hands off the DJ, if you can.

9pm-3am. XYYVR, 1216 Bute St. Cover $5. facebook.com/xyvancouver/

Sunday, Feb 5

Kegger

Sometimes you just need a quiet place to have a drink and reflect on your life. This is not that place. With a muscle piggy on the poster you should have guessed. A great spot to have drinks, rub up against shirtless, hairy, hot, handsome men and hear some of the city’s best DJs. Nick Bertossi, Robyn Graves, Mumbles and even Del Stamp rotate weekly. FYI, Del is usually one of the hotties you are rubbing up against.  

1pm-late. Pumpjack Pub, 1167 Davie St. No cover. pumpjackpub.com

Imperial Crown Prince & Princess Ball

These days you can’t tell royalty from common folk in the village because of the slew of pageants. Add in all the drag queens who wear tiaras and my head starts to spin. Tonight your hosts are Princes 45, Shayne and Norman, plus Princesses 45, Glitteris and Berlin. Yes, that’s right, a pair of each. I’m completely confused and hopefully I figure it all out before the ball. The theme is Flashback to the ’80s, so expect a preppies-meet-mullets type of occasion.

8pm. The Junction, 1138 Davie St. Cover $5 for the Dogwood Monarchy Society. junctionpub.com

Sanctuary & The Shequel

With all the shows Alma Bitches does, it’s a wonder anyone else gets any gigs. Get this: she has two on the same night and on the same block. Start off at 1181 for Sanctuary with Alma’s first-born Ilona joining in. Time to dust off your Sunday best and head to the new church on Davie St. Then head up the block a bit to XY where Alma and her entourage tear it up again until the wee hours.

Sanctuary 10pm. 1181, 1181 Davie St. Shequel  12am, XYYVR, 1216 Bute St. Cover is free at 1181, $5 at XY unless you have your Legends stamp from earlier. facebook.com/events/1861048944134996/

Monday, Feb 6

G-Spot

Time to get down to business with the female version of the prostate — that elusive g-spot. In a cozy, comfortable atmosphere, they will show you expert finger techniques, discuss positions and toys, as well as cover the anatomy of this exquisite pleasure centre. If you’re curious to see one and watch a woman ejaculate, there’ll be educational video clips available and handouts to take home. There’s your Monday night taken care of.

7:30pm. The Art of Loving, 369 West Broadway St. Workshop $20. Register at artofloving.ca.  

Tuesday, Feb 7

Dirty Little Secrets

We all have them. Disgruntled exes expose them, while some slip out after too many cocktails. At this event, you reveal them voluntarily — anonymously, of course, except for the heavy sweating and tell-tale, red-faced person in the audience who thought this was a bad idea. Write it down, toss it in the jar, and watch a cast of top improvisors explore the possibilities with every secret they pull and act out on stage.

7-9:30pm. XYYVR, 1216 Bute St. No cover. $5 a secret in the jar. facebook.com/events/1320949987927462/

Dirty Pots And Dirty Pictures

If you’ve ever seen my husband, you know this just means doing the dishes at our place. Get dirty at the Gallery of BC Ceramics at a night of erotic photography by Ryan Rose and sexy ceramics by the Potters Guild of BC. Rose takes it all off for his nude self-portraits that blend campy aesthetics with sincere gender subversion. He’ll pose live with guests in a steamy and scandalous photo opportunity. Capture the moment forever with pics that could ruin your future. Warning: First three rows will get wet.

7-11pm. Gallery of BC Ceramics, 1359 Cartwright St. No cover. facebook.com/events/103062273525243/

Thursday, Feb 9

Girl Positive

It seems like a long weekend is a good time for new releases. Tonight,Tatiana Fraser and Caia Hagel lead a panel discussion with Women in the Arts at the launch of their new book, GirlPositive, which uncovers the innovative ways in which women artists are disrupting and innovating culture and is sure to inspire you. Part of Femme February at the Cultch, a month-long series of events which highlight the strength and power of the female voice and experience.

7–9pm. Historic Theatre, 1895 Venables St. Free event but please RSVP at tickets.thecultch.com. More info at facebook.com/TheCultch?fref=ts

Matthew Presidente

Probably not the best time to have “president” as your last name no matter where you live these days. Still, Vancouver-based Matthew Presidente is one of — if not ­— the best singer/songwriters our LGBT scene has. Tonight, check out the release show for his new album, Every Single Sin. Not only will he be there in person, but he is doing a full-band performance complete with a special appearance by Samantha Mack.

8pm. XYYVR, 1216 Bute St. Tickets are $10 advance at eventbrite.ca or $12 at door. facebook.com/events/335917123459793/

Friday, Feb 10

Roses Are Red: Boners Are Hard

These words bring back memories of childhood chants in the school yard: “Roses are red, boners are hard, if you can’t find the lube, dip in some lard.” I always wondered if that’s where the term “lard-ass” came from. Vancouver artist Nikki Peck presents a cast of her characters and scenes that illustrate her interest in contemporary society. Themes include coming of age, teenage hood, the female body and the male gaze, feminism and sex-positive issues. Her approach is at once playful and meticulous and will make for an interesting exhibition. Books and prints of Nikki’s work will be available for purchase.

7–11pm. Sweet Pup Studios, 79 E Pender St. No admission fee. facebook.com/events/149589975545688/

Wet & Wild

I always look forward to an extended weekend as the American boys always come up to play, but since we seem to be the only ones having a holiday weekend I may have to find other things to play with. The perfect place to get into trouble — the good kind — is a place where beefy, muscular, hung men always seem to be either dancing on a box or soaping up their exquisite genitals in the shower. If I get lucky with one of them, I’ll know everything is squeaky clean and ready for anything. DJ Del Stamp spins till the early hours.

9pm–3am. Pumpjack Pub, 1167 Davie St. Cover $5 after 9 pm. pumpjackpub.com

Function Friday

Although the poster featured women only, I thought I’d stop by and see how the last event was going. I couldn’t have been more wrong. A bar full of sexy, hot men and they were all dancing to DJ Drew’s music. Then I caught sight of the go-go boys and thought I’d died and gone to heaven. See you there.

9:30pm–3am. The Junction, 1138 Davie St. Cover $5. junctionpub.com

Saturday, Feb 11

Pump

Some words that seem to be normal to straights just conjure fantasies in the minds of gay men as soon as you hear them: hump, dump, cum, hard and — of course — pump. If you have a good event name, the guys just flock to it. This is one of those events. Muscle, bear, leather fetish or kink. All seem to make an appearance, making it a man-meat buffet. And daddy is hungry. DJ Del Stamp is your musical spinmeister once again, so you know there’s going to be action going on in the booth and out.

9pm–3am. Pumpjack Pub, 1167 Davie St. $5 cover after 9pm. pumpjackpub.com

Fraser Valley Heroes Gala

Join the Fraser Valley Youth Society at their Valentine’s Hearts and Heroes Gala where they will honour the 2017 FVYS Hero with delicious food, great company and talented entertainment. All event proceeds will go to fund the organization’s programs and initiatives. The buffet dinner, door prizes, and dancing with Total Rewind are all included in the ticket price.

5:30pm–12am. The Stage in Mission, 32998 1st Ave, Mission, tickets $60 at thestageinmission.ca. 

facebook.com/events/215019498936384/

Duelling DJs Valentine’s Dance

This sounds like an evening where party people do battle with record player arms or flick 45s at each other. Now who’s old enough to remember that? Get your groove on with a mix of top 40 tunes plus some tracks that take you back to rock n’ roll, swing and disco times. Tonight’s a dinner-and-dance combo for that special Valentine in your life.

6pm doors, 7pm dinner followed by dancing until midnight. The Sands Hotel, 1755 Davie St. Tickets $55, which also covers dinner, are available on dueling-djs.com/events.html

The Tea With Tati Tour

Tommy D is on the road with Drag Race alumna Tatianna for the Tea with Tati tour brought to you by TFD and OUTtvGO. As they make their way across Canada, I’ve noticed a few FB video posts in which I don’t think it was tea Tommy D was drinking — which means the show is a success. This weekend, you have two chances to join in. Tonight and Sunday, Feb 12, you can take in an unbelievable show and check out a meet-and-greet beforehand. Tonight DJ Nick Bertossi spins and Dom Top takes over Sunday. The question for me is, do we get to meet and greet Nick Bertossi as well? If so, get your tickets fast because I may buy the lot.

9pm–3am. XYYVR, 1216 Bute St. Tickets $25-$35 at eventbrite.ca. More info at facebook.com/events/1723267277986630/

Lucky FuKR: Jock & Harness Party

I’d go to this event based on the name and the poster alone. This is their first time here and it looks like they’re pulling out the big guns to break their Vancouver cherry. International DJ Bret Law spins as hot men — hopefully in just harnesses — grind away on stage, on the dance floor, and probably in the hidden dark “meat-and-greet” room. Throw on your sexiest jock and harness, toss yourself into the middle of it all and just enjoy yourself. What’re a few gropes among friends?

9pm–3am. The Hindenburg, 23 W Cordova St. Tickets $7 and info at eventbrite.com.

Sunday, Feb 12

VAL x VHS Valentine’s Market

Valentine’s doesn’t have to be all love and roses; it can be all about shopping and getting lots of items just for you. It is the perfect day to use the “I had no date, no cards or gifts so I just got depressed and shopped my heart out” excuse. Vancouver Art and Leisure teams up with the Vintage Handmade Society to host a market for everyone. A wide range of vendors will be on hand showing off skincare products, art, jewelry, pottery, candles, clothing, blankets, vinyl, tarot booth, chocolate, live painting and more for you to peruse. Look for me; I’ll be the one with the loaded, guilt-free shopping cart.

12–7pm. Gallery 1965, 1965 Main St. Admission $2. facebook.com/events/659785060867079/

Inner Beauty Pageant

Now this is a competition I could be part of.  I’m just full of inner beauty and know there’s an inner diva waiting to burst out. What better person to host than the inner beauty queen herself, Conni Smudge? Just try to get the big-ass crown off her head — if you win. Open to all body types, genders, personalities (split or otherwise) for a chance to celebrate the inner diva in all of us. This is a fundraiser for the upcoming musical, Robin Hood, Prince of Tease from Too Fly Productions. 

7–11pm. The Junction, 1138 Davie St. Tickets are $8 plus donation if you wish. To enter the competition please contact tooflytheatre@gmail.com. More info at facebook.com/events/1807426706144815/

Babes On Babes

Three rooms, eight DJs and a stated mission to create a fun, inclusive, safer party vibe that showcases amazing local and international queer talent. Tonight, Baltimore’s TT the Artist spins in the main room.

9pm–2am. The Fortune Sound Club, 147 E Pender St. Cover $15 at door. More info at facebook.com/events/1174072579374402/

Hershe Bar

The local liquor store is out of tequila and vodka, so that can only mean one thing: Hershe Bar is on. Tonight is the lesbian party to end all lesbian parties, the Dinah Shore. Some of you may have to Google her as she wasn’t just a golfer. An appearance by gender bending supermodel Erika Linder and the official crew and cast of Below Her Mouth will make this one hell of a party.

10pm–2am. Bar None, 1222 Hamilton St. Tickets $15 online or at Little Sister’s, 1238 Davie St. flygirlproductions.com/event/clubskirts-dinah-hershe/

Tuesday, Feb 14

DTES Women’s Memorial March

There’re lots of events celebrating Valentine’s Day, but take some time to learn about a march that’s been happening for 27 years. The first was held in 1991 in response to the murder of a Coast Salish woman on Powell Street in Vancouver. This event is held to express compassion, community solidarity, and caring for all women in Vancouver’s Downtown Eastside. Support, attend and show that all of us care.

12–3pm. Carnegie Community Centre, 401 Main St. womensmemorialmarch.wordpress.com/

Magic Mic Open Mic

For those of us still waiting for that special someone to show up, a flower delivery or a candy gram, it is the 12th hour and Valentines is almost over. Get off your money-maker and make your way to the village for a fun-filled, open-mic night when pros, amateurs, and first timers all get a crack at entertaining you.

7pm–11pm. The Junction, 1138 Davie St. No cover. Sign up for your five minutes of fame at 7pm, if you so desire. facebook.com/events/870712673068681/

Heritage Grill Valentine’s Date

Not looking good for a Valentine’s date, or already called everyone in your little black book and still nothing. Make a trip out to the ’burbs where cowboys know how to ride. Everyone looks like fresh meat if you go a minimum of 25 miles from home. Diva Sarah Kennedy and her pianist perform just for you. Come early, grab a great seat, order dinner, and sit back and enjoy.

8pm–12am. Heritage Grill, 447 Columbia St, New Westminster. Reservations at 604-759-0819. theheritagegrill.com

Thursday, Feb 23

Lights Out

Until this body is summer ready — I’m not committing to which summer — the beach is out, and what I need is a nice dimly lit space. Or better yet, completely dark. This infamous night, when the lights are lower than a burnt-out nightlight, is a great place to undo, unwind and unload, if you know what I mean. Keep the towel on or go au naturel as you work your way around, feeling with whatever part of you sticks out the furthest. A great night for the shy or the first time visitor and, don’t worry, if you happen to walk into something warm, wet and furry, just go with the flow. It’s probably DJ Gingerbear Todd.

4pm–4am. Steamworks Baths, 123 W Pender St. Weekday rates start at $13. steamworksbaths.com/vancouver/

Imelda Mae Santos Benefit Show

One of the village’s own is down and the village queens are throwing a fundraiser to help out. Imelda Mae Santos recently had heart bypass surgery and is in slow recovery. The entry donation will go towards her recovery costs, so every bit counts. Hosted by Myria and Miss M, you will see some of the city’s finest entertainers, who always show up to help out with every benefit large or small. Show your support and donate what you can.

Doors 6:30pm, show 7:30pm. The Junction, 1138 Davie St. Entrance by donation. junctionpub.com/events/benifiet-for-imelda-mae-santos/

Friday, Feb 24

Imperial Turnabout

Anyone who has dealt with a coronation of emperor or empress knows how confusing the court system can be. This is only more true at the actual events, where there are too many people in charge (or who think they should be in charge). But for all of us out front, the show goes off seamlessly — if you’re lucky. In the burgeoning beginning of the Imperial Courts, the key element of “camp drag” was used by both monarchs. In 1971, the founders set out to educate that the “title” and the “office” of emperor and empress were two different things. But when combined, the results were designed to make your experience both purposeful and humanitarian. Hosted by Miss M, with DJ Drew providing the music, this night of performances may make you feel like you are back at the ball.

Doors 8pm, show 9pm. The Junction, 1138 Davie St. Cover $5. junctionpub.com/events/imperial-turnabout/

Spectrum Volume  2

I was telling a friend of mine about this event and mentioned that Ingrid Hakanson, Skylar Love, Patrick Kelly, guest dancers and performance artists were all involved. He asked if all these people would be giving a demonstration on stage, and I realised he was still gun shy after I sent him to a sex workshop last time, and he thought I had said this event was Speculum Volume 2. No such luck, Roger. This is an event of diversity and inclusivity. It doesn’t matter what your gender or sexual preference is, how much money you make, your religion or your ethnicity . . . all that matters is that you bring a positive attitude and nothing but respect for yourself, those around you and the space you occupy. The music will unite all.

9pm–2:30am. XYYVR, 1216 Bute St. Tickets $12 at door. facebook.com/events/1239093319477723/

Saturday, Feb 25

Wild Fruit Queer Dance Party

I love Saturday nights for partying; weekdays I get up at an ungodly hour when most of you haven’t even got your date’s pants off yet. Some friends forget that Friday is actually a weekday, so by the time I meet you to go out I’ve probably been up 16 hours. It’s not that I’m not interested in who is talking to me, it’s that I’m sleeping standing up. So tonight is the night, and where do I pick? A Flygirl party. Yes, it is a women’s party, but all are invited and the place usually rocks. Tonight it’s also in a new venue so get out and support one of the longest running parties in town.

10pm–3am. The Odyssey, 686 W Hastings St. Tickets $12 at flygirlproductions.com and eventbrite.ca. facebook.com/events/901102789992892

DJ G-Luve & Bikes

1181 has had every kind of night you can imagine, so why not a night to pedal a bike to power Alma B Itches spotlight? That girl needs a lot of light. Sorry, fitness junkies, but this is not that kind of show. Tonight you have a DJ who was dropped from the womb at a house party, probably to some funky house music, and a DJ who has been playing gigs around South Africa — a match made in heaven. Come enjoy something new at a spot with a metropolitan atmosphere and a contemporary, urban attitude.

10pm–3am. 1181, 1181 Davie St. No cover. facebook.com/events/264583167300886/

Absolulty Dragulous Anniversary

The old gal has been around the village for years, entertaining us all. It’s hard to say who has had more of Carlotta Gurl’s crotch to the face, the ones who see the cartwheels up close or the groupies at the door after the show. It’s definitely a close call, but I’m going with the cartwheels. And tonight being the sixth anniversary show, I’m sure there will be much more than one thrown in. You just know every queen in town will drop by for a number or two, so don’t wake up Sunday and find out that this was the show of the year and you missed it — because that gurl will track you down.

Doors 9pm, show 10:30pm. The Junction, 1138 Davie St. Cover $7. junctionpub.com/events/absolutly-drag-u-lous-2017-02-25/

Sunday, Feb 26

Teenage Lust

Oh god, remember teenage lust? I spent two years using my textbooks to hide the continuous erection. Well, actually it was a book of maps, and I had been out of school for a long time. I guess that’s why I can’t go to the library without getting all hot and sweaty every time I pick up a book. The Sleepy Girls are back for round two of their show. Who was your first crush? What did they smell like? What did you imagine them doing to you? You’d better delve into the farthest reaches of your spank bank for this one. You’ll get stories about crushes; you'll get nostalgic performances that explore that awkward time in life. Not only will you get drag queens, but Karmella Barr and Kevin Bloomfield as guests, along with Rogue Queen, S-Stud and Pu$$y Melk.

8:30–11:30pm. Displace Hashery, 3293 W 4th Ave. Cover $10 at door. facebook.com/events/315860125478298/

The Oscars Viewing Party

This ageless doll has been around so long she posed for the original Oscar statue. Grab off the wig and you’ll see the resemblance is uncanny. For as long as I can remember, which these days is not long, Conni Smudge has been the go-to girl to host this annual Oscar party. You have not lived until you’ve had a few drinks and heard her Red Carpet Dish. Do your research, fill in your ballot and see if you’re right. The most correct ballot will pick up $100 and runner up $50. And yes, $100 will fit in Conni’s bra, along with your coat, slippers, and overnight items.

Doors 3pm, Red Carpet Dish 4pm, Oscars 5:30pm. The Junction, 1138 Davie St. No cover. facebook.com/events/1361137523948445/

Monday, Feb 27

QueerProv Monday: Fruit Bowl

You probably need a bit of cheering up after not one of your picks was right for the Oscars, but don’t worry, we’ve all been there. Although last year I only got one wrong, so there is hope for you yet. Fruit Bowl is back with two teams pitted (get it?) against each other, and The Funsies returning to defend their title. Fruit Bowl is hosted by the one and only big fruit, Dan Dumsha, improv comedian and teacher — and might I add a hottie.

8–9:30pm. XYYVR, 1216 Bute St. No cover. facebook.com/events/402810770050548/

B-Roll: Pokemon

Okay, so B-Roll has done Sex in the City, Harry Potter and Mean Girls just to name a few, but now they’re messing with the phenomenon of the year, Pokemon. I can’t wait to see Dee Blew as Jigglypuff or Jane Smokr as Jessie. Since these are drag queens doing Pokemon characters, will they still have their coloured hankie in the back pocket? I bet Jane has the coveted Rocket Snorlax hidden on her somewhere. Does Pokemon yellow stand for pee? I’ll have to go take notes; the game will never be the same.

9pm–12am. The Penthouse Night Club, 1019 Seymour St. Tickets $10 at eventbrite.ca or $12 at door. facebook.com/events/1843319305909177/

Answer Me

If you’re like me, useless things just keep getting stuck in your brain. I had to stop watching Jeopardy because I would yell out an answer and scare my husband right off the couch. If you’ve got a stockpile of facts that range from useless to impressive lodged in your brain then head to the first edition of The Big Fat Frigging Quiz, hosted by Shanda Leer, with questions from general news, science, arts, music and more.

Registration 7:30 pm, Trivia 8–9pm. The American, 926 Main St. No cover. facebook.com/events/165833030578521/

Tuesday, Feb 28

The Stunt Queen Tour With Mykki Blanco

Michael David Quattlebaum Jr, better known by the stage name Mykki Blanco, is an American rapper, performance artist, poet and activist. Mykki brings his debut solo album "Mykki" on The Stunt Queen Tour with Cakes Da Killa and DJ Skylar Love. 

9pm–1am. Fortune Sound Club, 147 East Pender St. Tickets $17 at fortunesoundclub.electrostub.com/event.cfm?id=178707. Info at facebook.com/events/1215477075204358/
 

Magic Mic

With all the political ridiculousness going on around us, one good thing happening this year is the resurgence of comedy and amateur nights. Come in, turn off your cerebral cortex and just laugh till you cry, or bond with a song. You never know what is going to happen, so just let it. Hosted by Steev Letts and Oil Maughan, who are calling for comedians, musicians, and all performance acts. Sign up starts at 7:30pm and pros, amateurs and first timers are all welcome.

7–10pm. The Junction, 1138 Davie St. No cover. facebook.com/events/422946591430414/

Wednesday, March 1

In Penumbra

This new multimedia Kinesis Dance work is inspired by the search for Utopia, how the insatiable desire to reach paradise brings out both the best and the worst in us, and the penumbra — the grey area between light and darkness — that clouds our quest for enlightenment. As part of the Vancouver International Dance Festival, this intricate, experimental choreography is executed by a powerhouse ensemble of fearless dancers: Elissa Hanson, Renée Sigouin, Hyoseung Ye, Arash Khakpour, and Diego Romero.

Tonight until Saturday, March 4 at 8pm. Scotiabank Dance Centre, 677 Davie St. Tickets $20 at kinesisdance.org/project/penumbra/.

Elbow Room Café: The Musical

If you’ve ever eaten at The Elbow Room Café you’ll understand when I say to run, get up and run, or you risk snorting your drink out your nostrils because you can hear the next table getting torn a new one for asking for a coffee refill. Girl, we know better than to ask for anything. They took the order, and they brought it; what more do you want? If you didn’t want a bitchy server, you should have stayed home. This is the play in which Allan Zinyk leads a cast of campy misfits, drag queens, and the perpetually hung over. Written by Peach Cobblah’s alter ego, Dave Deveau, it shows he’s not just a pretty face in a frock. This is a hit.

Tonight and Thursday, March 2, 8pm;  March 3–4 and 7–11 at 8pm; March 4, 5, 11 and 12, 2pm. York Theatre, 639 Commercial Dr. Tickets $10–44 at thecultch.com. More info at thecultch.com/events/elbow-room-the-musical/

Thursday, March 2

Belfast Girls

In this stage production leading up to International Women’s Day, five Irish women make a desperate crossing to Australia to escape famine. In the midst of the difficult passage, a tender love affair blossoms between two of the women. See playwright Jaki McCarrick’s new play in White Rock or Vancouver, and for an interesting peek into the historical background, check out irishfaminememorial.org/orphans/.

8pm. March 1–11, Coast Capital Playhouse, 1532 Johnston Road, White Rock. Tickets $15–27 online.

8pm. March 15–18. The Cultch, 1895 Venables St, Vancouver.  Tickets $25–30 online. peninsulaproductions.org/

Vancouver International Dance Festival

I must admit it took a while to do this listing; I spent most of the time watching the video of the hot male shirtless dancers in satin pants on repeat. Have you ever noticed how satin clings to things? This year the VIDF presents a broad spectrum of dance from the slow introspection of Butoh, a Japanese dance form, to the dynamic precision of ballet. Street dance b-boys mix with the Vancouver Symphony Orchestra in works that will surprise and delight. The full performance listings, times, ticket prices and venues around town are online, but check out Matthew Romantini, a Toronto dance artist, who will be performing in Crumbling at the Woodward’s Production Studio, 111 W Hastings St, March 9-11 at 5pm.

Festival runs until Saturday, March 25. vidf.ca/

Super Gay Celebrities

No, it’s not a full night of Conni Smudge, although that would be fun. She’s like a cross between Lucille Ball and Ethel Merman. For those born this century, Google them. A new monthly night brings the gay back to Davie Street like the old days. Who better to open than some of the gayest talent we have, including Alma B Itches, Ilona Verley, Femenade, Jack Slayer, Del Stamp, Skylar Love and more.

10pm–3am. Celebrities, 1022 Davie St. Free entrance with RSVP online. facebook.com/events/1651884221779346/

Elbow Room Café: The Musical

If you didn’t want a bitchy server, you should have stayed home. Watch our video on this big gay musical ode to Vancouver’s iconic “abuse” café. Written by Peach Cobblah’s alter ego, Dave Deveau, and directed by Isolde N Barron’s alter ego, Cameron Mackenzie, this show is sure to be a hit.

Thursday, March 2, 8pm;  March 3–4 and 7–11 at 8pm; March 4, 5, 11 and 12, 2pm. York Theatre, 639 Commercial Dr. Tickets $10–44 at thecultch.com. More info at thecultch.com/events/elbow-room-the-musical/

Friday, March 3

Get Your Art On

There’s a local drag legend living in the village who will probably think this is some kind of party for him, but keep your pants on, Art, there are no go-go boys here. Tonight is the ninth annual Get Your Art On with Vancouver West End MLA Spencer Chandra Herbert, and will feature burlesque, live music, art, food and drink. Plus, you can purchase a canvas and paint your own piece of art. This is a chance to support and celebrate all the work our West End MLA does.

Door 6:30pm, entertainment 7:15pm. PAL Theatre, 581 Cardero St. Tickets $125 online at secure.bcndp.org/event/547

Puppy-Tails Social

For those of you who just can’t get away for the regular Saturday afternoon puppy party, here’s a night-time version. Yes, you will still get to see the pups play, romp, sniff a few butts and lick a few crotches. But be ready with the tummy rubs, because at night these pups will flip on their back at any hint of a free rub. Wear your leather, rubber, fuzzy, or whatever other gear you want. Gear is admired but never required. Having fun is the only requirement.

8–11pm. Pumpjack Pub, 1167 Davie St. No cover before 9pm, $5 after. facebook.com/groups/vanpah/ 

Saturday, March 4

Spring Up

Spring will soon be in the air, and nobody gets the spring hornies like a rubber man. I guess they’re so horny because it takes so long to get out of the rubber. This is the Rubbout 26 kick-off, so get together, suck some rubber on each other, dress up some unsuspecting cotton guys gear, and plan some hijinks for the weekend. Count me in; rubber is the perfect second skin.

2—5pm. Pumpjack Pub, 1167 Davie St. No cover. facebook.com/groups/vancouverrubbermen/

The Drag Show FUNdraiser

You may think the suburbs are dull and boring compared to our little corner of the gay world — all three blocks of it. But there are actually drag queens living off the grid who put on great shows. Mz Adrien, who has been around since the days of the Dufferin Hotel — yes that long ago — is taking her show even beyond New Westminster. Join the Mz and her friends as they put on a FUNdraiser for the Alouette Addictions Services for youth.

7pm. Pitt Meadows Heritage Hall, 12460 Harris Road, Pitt Meadows. Tickets $60 at aasdragshow.wixsite.com/dragshow. More info at facebook.com/events/833234480151200/.

A Variety Of Queers Benefit Concert

I, for one, am interested in just how many varieties of queers there are, and which variety I am. Not that I like to be pegged into one category, but I’d like to see the options first. This night showcases a wealth of diverse talent in Vancouver’s queer community, with a dance party to follow. Everyone is welcome for singing, dancing, burlesque, drag, comedy and more to support Rainbow Refugee, which helps people fleeing persecution because of their sexual orientation, gender or HIV status.

7pm–1am. The Wise Hall, 1882 Adanac St. Tickets $25 at brownpapertickets.com with all profits going to Rainbow Refugee. facebook.com/events/245940295831685/

Backdoor Horse Meat Disco

Now we are getting to the meat of the men’s party scene: Horse Meat Disco. When my partner Paul, my “best man” Megan and I were in London for our wedding, we grabbed my future sister-in-law and headed to the only night women can get into the London Eagle. Of course with a name like Horse Meat, our two straight females were expecting to see just that. But the London gay boys thought they were the cutest couple, and bought them drinks while Paul and I didn’t get any. Now VAL is having a Horse Meat Disco of their own, and from the looks of the go-go line-up, horse meat is what there will be. Hard Addison, QT Drake and Kyle from Berlin Go Go Gentleman are just a taste of what is to come. With two rooms, four DJs and the slogan “queer disco is for everyone” how could it not be a great night?

9pm–3am. Vancouver Art & Leisure, 1965 Main St. Tickets $25–30 at residentadvisor.net and facebook.com/events/1421292807880911/.  

Testostérone GEAR

Seems like more and more out of town parties are making their way to Vancouver. Maybe we should take a couple of our events on tour. If you need a bodyguard, promoter or fluffer, just let me know where to send my resume. Testostérone GEAR from Montréal returns for another sizzling hot night of fetish and fun with DJs Ron Hamelin and Gingerbear Todd. They’ll warm you up like never before to get you ready for action, both on and off the dance floor. Strict dress code of leather, rubber, jockstrap, sport gear, military, uniform, singlet or underwear.

9pm–3am. The Odyssey, 686 W Hastings St. Tickets $10–20. facebook.com/events/432703490452449/

Sunday, March 5

A Day In Church: Support Bill C-16

Paul Dirks, a New Westminster pastor, started a campaign against the federal bill seeking to prohibit discrimination based on gender identity. Most Canadians, however, believe protecting trans rights is a good thing, and some of them have organized a protest outside Dirks’ church this Sunday to send the message that being trans and being Christian are not incompatible.

11:30am. Outside the New Westminster Community Baptist Church, 322 Hospital St, New Westminster. facebook.com/events/1865811373675986/

Monday, March 6

QueerProv: International Women’s Day

My dad used to say, “every day is women’s day.” That was because once during a fight my mom threw a pot of mashed potatoes at him, and I had to clean it up. It worked, though, and after that I never saw them have an argument that mom didn’t win. Tonight, QueerProv celebrates the day by bringing you the funniest queer ladies in town. Hosted by Sarah Dawn Pledge, with performances by Jamie Crest, Julia Stretch, Michele Tolosa, Alex Rowan and LeeAnn Keple.

8–9:30pm. XYYVR, 1216 Bute St. No cover. facebook.com/events/402810770050548/

Tuesday, March 7

Dirty Little Secrets

One of the funniest nights I’ve seen is back in town. You write your secret and place it in the jar; then the cast pulls out a secret and the improv is off and running. It’s hard to say which is funnier, the cast acting out the secret or the audience looking around to see who has the reddest face. The best part is you can stick around and join the weekly Karaoke party after, and then maybe you’ll have a new secret for next time.

7pm. XYYVR, 1216 Bute St. No cover, but $5 per secret. facebook.com/events/1320949987927462/

Wednesday, March 8

Red Ribbon Breakfast

The Red Ribbon Breakfast is an annual fundraiser that takes place over breakfast. This free networking event provides information about Positive Living BC, and a special video presentation on the membership will inspire people to give. By attending the Red Ribbon Breakfast and donating to Positive Living BC, you can become part of the Red Ribbon Circle of Supporters.

7:30–8:30am. Hyatt Regency Hotel, 655 Burrard St. RSVP at zorans@positivelivingbc.org or 604-893-2282. positivelivingbc.org/news-events/special-events/red-ribbon-breakfast/

International Women’s Day

Whether you’re a straight, gay, bisexual or trans woman, this is your day around the world. Thousands of events — global gatherings, conferences, awards, exhibitions, festivals, fun runs, corporate events, concert performances, speaking events, online digital gatherings and more. Events are held by women's networks, corporations, charities, educational institutions, government bodies, political parties, the media and communities. To see what events are happening in Vancouver or any other city go to internationalwomensday.com/Events